Ghosting

[Purple]

that is exciting @peachy. I’ve met someone on Tinder too, wishing both of us luck!

[champagnepapi]

@peachy @Purple
all the best to both of you! keep us updated on your dating adventures

[champagnepapi]

in a similar vein to this thread, do you guys think there is a time window in which you should meet someone off an app before texting fizzles out? I was talking to this guy for like three weeks and for some reason or another we were just too busy to meet up, and after a while keeping a text conversation going kinda started to feel like a chore. So i reckon there is a cut-off, it’s the sweet spot between 1-2 weeks, but your mileage may vary.
Thoughts?

[champagnepapi]

PS, we never did end up meeting. Womp womp

[MintMilano]

@champagnepapi I would say 1-2 weeks, but if its going to be closer to two weeks then at least arrange a time earlier in advance. don’t wait 2 weeks or spend two weeks going “oh no I’m not free tomorrow” until its been two weeks of failed plans. I find that if people want to meet, they will meet. if they have excuses and can’t lock down a time even for a cup of coffee in the next fortnight, they’re probably just wasting your time. 

[champagnepapi]

@MintMilano yeah definitely! I think it was me dragging my feet in this instance, since i recently got out of a relationship. I don’t think i’m going to be meeting up with anyone anytime soon haha. Thanks for your thoughts!

[peachy]

@champagnepapi I tend to get super impatient and will usually ask within a week (so your two week situation would probably kill me!) but I know a lot of people like having that time to vet out whether someone has murdery vibes ahaha

[MintMilano]

@champagnepapi ah okay, yeah I’ve been in the same boat before. Being on Grindr after a break up being like “Just looking around” and then chatting without people who seem to get frustrated when I’m not keen to eventually meet up. It can be a bit annoying for them but in the end it’s all part of the dating game so you kinda have to take it on the chin. If it were that easy no one would be doing it because we’d all find our perfect matches and be done with it! 

[HoneyPot]

How exciting @peachy and @Purple ! Hope you’re both having great times!

I spoke to some people about this and we decided that if two people decide not to message each other that’s totally fine, don’t wait for someone to message you, message them (I think some people think this is ghosting, but I’d only call it ghosting if I messaged someone and they never replied, not if neither of us ever messaged and I didn’t try, do you agree?) 
And if someone does message you really should reply even if it’s to say “I don’t think this is for me” or whatever. Thoughts?

Totally interesting how long people wait to meet up! I think I’d find it really frustrating waiting ages to meet up with someone, I’d start to think they weren’t real hahah 

[Purple]

I was just ghosted after seeing a person for about seven weeks or thereabouts – lost track how long it’s actually been. It really, really hurts 🙁 but we weren’t exclusive or anything so I guess life goes on. I texted them and called them out on it by saying the mature and responsible thing would have been to simply let me know they weren’t interested, not to just simply disappear, and that I hope they find what they’re looking for. At least now I have closure and can start moving on even if they don’t reply to that message too. 

[MintMilano]

@Purple that sucks 🙁 I’m sorry that happened to you. Last time I was ghosted I didn’t even send a message like that – I knew that he would have known the mature thing to do, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of messaging him again without a reply and letting him think I cared as much as I did. Probably not the most mature train of thought from me either I suppose lol but yeah I didn’t get any closure from that. Just had to accept that he probably wasn’t going to call/convince myself that even if he eventually did call, he’d left it far to late to have me believe he actually cared. And if thats the case, then honestly, you deserve better!

[Purple]

@MintMilano I totally sympathise with you and understand the feeling of also wanting to show that you don’t want to care. I almost left it but then was like you know what I’ll just say what I think. He finally replied about an hour ago and apologised for ignoring me for the last five days and that he thinks I’m cool but just not in the right head space to date. Whether or not that’s true or he’s just not interested anymore I’ll never know, but at least he had the decency to get back to me. You definitely deserved better, and from the posts you’ve made it sounds like you’re in an awesome relationship at the moment. Thanks for sharing.

[MintMilano]

@Purple thats good that he finally replied! Even if it was just to confirm what you already expected. I guess maybe it’s important to call people out on on their anti social behaviours or they’re just going to keep doing it. and thanks, yeah I’m in a really good relationship now so not as concerned about ever needing closure with that ghoster anymore. 

[-_-]

@Purple being ghosted stinks! You did the right thing about calling them out on their behaviour and I am glad he messaged back. 

@champagnepapi @HoneyPot my rule of thumb is that if we don’t meet in a week of matching then it is probably never going to happen! Also if we end up texting for a couple of weeks without seeing each other then I think it’s probably not going to go anywhere.. 

I think If you meet someone and really dig them, you see each other as much as you can, and if one of you is no longer feeling it you have the decency to end it respectfully.. 

[HappyHooHah]

I’m so confused by the term…. Strange word to choose.. ghosting. Makes no sense to me!
Also, what is cat-fishing? Is that what its called?

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