Ghosting

[MintMilano]

@HappyHooHah Ghosting is because they seemingly vanish into thin air, like a ghost. Catfishing is a little different – it’s essentially pretending to be a completely different person and have an online profile/persona that is completely different that who you actually are – that name comes from a quote from the documentary/movie called Catfish – I would actually highly recommend it, great film!

[HoneyPot]

Ahh @Purple I’m so sorry that’s the worst 🙁 It is good he replied (I think that’s pretty rare in ghost world?)  and good you told him off for his behaviour cause as @MintMilano said it might stop him from doing it to someone else. It was also really cool @MintMilano when you said you were in a really good relationship now and so you didn’t need closure from the ghost, that’s very hopeful for those of us that have been ghosted and might be struggling.
I thin the lack of closure is a massive thing for a lot of people. Many of my friends have said they’d rather be told “I just don’t like you” than to have to keep wondering forever – one of my friends is always like “But maybe he DIED?! He could be dead and we just will never know!?!” Which is quite full on and a horrible thing to be left wondering about!

[MintMilano]

@HoneyPot I guess it might help to add that I walked past a bar that he’d told me he frequented, probably a few weeks from the last time i’d heard from him, and when I casually glanced in through the window he was sitting right there! So definitely not dead. Just an asshole. But I’d already decided that in my mind so I really didn’t want to bother confronting him about it – was already seeing my newer and much better guy by then so decided to be the bigger man and just move on. But I know it’s not always that easy 🙁 

[HappyHooHah]

Oh wow how funny! makes sense now hahaha thanks @MintMilano

[DirtyChai]

Hey @honeypot , I have had a similar ghosting experience to you and it sucks!

The Love etc. podcast did an episode on ghosting a few weeks ago (definitely worth a listen), and broke ghosting down into different tiers:
– Lightweight ghost: talking to someone on a dating app regularly for a week or so, and all of a sudden decide to stop replying
– Midweight ghost: going on a date with someone and then deciding not to respond to communication following this
– Heavyweight ghost: full on dating, for months even, and ghost them out of nowhere

I think because so much of our communication does happen in the digital world, it can often make it easier for a ghost. And whilst it would obviously be way more brutal to be heavyweight ghosted than middle weight ghosted, I agree with both of these levels that you should communicate that you’re not interested rather than just disappearing.

[DirtyChai]

Hey @honeypot , I have had a similar ghosting experience to you and it sucks!

The Love etc. podcast did an episode on ghosting a few weeks ago (definitely worth a listen), and broke ghosting down into different tiers:
– Lightweight ghost: talking to someone on a dating app regularly for a week or so, and all of a sudden decide to stop replying
– Midweight ghost: going on a date with someone and then deciding not to respond to communication following this
– Heavyweight ghost: full on dating, for months even, and ghost them out of nowhere

I think because so much of our communication does happen in the digital world, it can often make it easier for a ghost. And whilst it would obviously be way more brutal to be heavyweight ghosted than middle weight ghosted, I agree with both of these levels that you should communicate that you’re not interested rather than just disappearing.

[DirtyChai]

Hey @honeypot , I have had a similar ghosting experience to you and it sucks!

The Love etc. podcast did an episode on ghosting a few weeks ago (definitely worth a listen), and broke ghosting down into different tiers:
– Lightweight ghost: talking to someone on a dating app regularly for a week or so, and all of a sudden decide to stop replying
– Midweight ghost: going on a date with someone and then deciding not to respond to communication following this
– Heavyweight ghost: full on dating, for months even, and ghost them out of nowhere

I think because so much of our communication does happen in the digital world, it can often make it easier for a ghost. And whilst it would obviously be way more brutal to be heavyweight ghosted than middle weight ghosted, I agree with both of these levels that you should communicate that you’re not interested rather than just disappearing.

[-_-]

Hey @dirtychai, this is so interesting that they have ‘levels of ghosting’. I personally think you should just tell someone you are not interested so they aren’t expecting or hoping for a reply. I’ve started using dating apps recently and find it so odd when you might be getting on well with someone over messages and then one day the conversation stops, but after talking to a friend about it they made me feel better by suggesting that (even though it feels hurtful and rude) they probably have something going on in their life we don’t know about and that has taken priority. It’s hard not to feel confused and question why they stopped responding though!

I’ve recently been in the position where someone is keen to meet up and i’m not in to it, so rather than ghosting i’ve been trying to make it clear that my diary is busy coming in to Christmas and I don’t have the time to hang out again. Trying to let them down gently! Do you think it’s best to be direct and get to the point that it’s a no?

[Author]

Posts