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[Aunt_Flo]

I’ve never tried it @curiousss and to be honest, I wouldn’t even know where to buy one. I might have missed it, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a female condom in the condom section at a pharmacy or shop.

[Aunt_Flo]

I’ve definitely been through this.

I think the thing that has helped the most is to not dwell on it. If you or your partner wants to talk about then by all means, but otherwise don’t let it linger like a cloud over your head. It’s nothing to be embarrassed or down about, and I don’t think it says anything negative about your relationship. Stress is such an enormous mood killer on its own, plus it does seem like sex has ebbs and flows in long term relationships.

I find that a small, spontaneous bit of intimacy here or there can get things going again, slowly but surely. I’m talking something as small as a random kiss or the lips or cheek, or a sudden cuddle. It’s little things that can really help and start to ease the pressure on being intimate.

Also – just making them time can help too. Make a certain day of the week day night, even if you just cook a nice dinner at home or get take out or watch a favourite movie. Make the point of the night you two spending some time together and see how you go from there!

Hope you’re going okay with work!

[Aunt_Flo]

I feel like there are heaps of other ways to reduce plastic waste before thinking about eliminating the use of condoms! I get that they’re a non-reusable plastic, but that’s for a reason! It’s great to be ecologically minded, but not at the expense of something as important as health.

Perhaps ones day there will be a condom that’s better for the environment (I know vegan ones already exist).

[Aunt_Flo]

I’m glad you’ve got the support you need @yogigirl!

I haven’t been properly diagnosed, but I have a polycystic ovary and irregular periods, so it’s highly likely that I do. I second what @curiousss said about taking care of your mental health. I found that agnonising whether my weight gain, or bout of hair loss I was experiencing was because of PCOS or something else was really unhelpful!

[Aunt_Flo]

That’s great @yogigirl!

I’d like to think I’m confident in asking…in theory. In reality, I don’t really think I do vocalise what I’d like out of fear of causing offence or killing the mood. It’s something I need to work on!

[Aunt_Flo]

Glad it’s working out for you so far @dirtychai! I once had to wait over an hour just to see my GP and get a prescription for the pill that I had been on for years, so I totally get the convenience factor!

[Aunt_Flo]

Very true @trayl_blayza!

As much as these apps likely create a safe space for people with STIs to date without fear of stigma, it doesn’t necessarily do anything to change broader public opinion about it. It’s definitely just one step on the way towards eliminating the stigma and shame around getting tested and having an STI.

[Aunt_Flo]

I don’t have experience with them, but I think they’re a good idea. It must be a bit relieving to know that you don’t have to bring it up, since it’s already out in the open.

That said. I would hate for people who have an STI to feel limited to using those dating apps exclusively. They’re definitely great and I assume they would create a safe space, but there’s nothing wrong with having an STI!

[Aunt_Flo]

Mhmm true @champagnepapi.

I’ve not had to navigate any conversations around flirting – it’s just not something that’s ever come up and been a problem. But, we have had a pretty frank conversation about imaging what it would be like to date other people. To be honest, I think it relieved us both to admit that while we had no interest in breaking up, it’s interesting to think about what would happen if we weren’t in a long-term relationship.

[Aunt_Flo]

Hi @missperry!

Hmm, there could be a few reasons why someone wouldn’t be interested in a blow job. Mood can have a big impact on sex drive – being tired or having a bad day might be you’re not exactly in the mood for a blow job. They might just not be in the mood, period.

Another reason could be that they just don’t really enjoy receiving oral sex, which is perfectly normal and just a preference.

Had you considered any of these reasons before?

[Aunt_Flo]

I’m with @champagnepapi – There’s no need to rush into anything, or force yourself to be comfortable with seeing new people straight away.

I guess one way to ease into it would be to think about the up side of sleeping with a new person. Yes, it can be awkward, but it’s also a chance to connect with someone, learn about someone, and perhaps have an exciting or new encounter. But, that’s for whenever you’re ready to experience that.

Hope you’re doing okay, @yogigirl

[Aunt_Flo]

That’s so funny – I’ve been reading up on attachment styles as well! I see a lot of myself in the traits of a person with an anxious attachment style. So, in theory, I think a bit of harmless flirting is fine, but I’m not sure how I would feel if I saw a partner flirt with someone else. It’s entirely possible that I would feel quite insecure about it.

I guess the ‘seeing’ aspect of it is kind of the key – if your partner isn’t planning to cheat and isn’t doing anything overtly sexual (sending nudes or straight up sexting, for example), I guess it doesn’t hurt if you do it without your partner knowing. It can probably be considered a bit of fun, or even a way of getting a bit of attention outside of the relationship.

I don’t necessarily think seeking attention via flirting while in a relationship is bad, either. Flirting cam often get a bad rep, but I think there’s a pretty huge gap between flirting, even flirting that is a bit on the sexual side, and cheating.

[Aunt_Flo]

That’s an eventful date @potplant!

I don’t really have a worst, although I had to meet the parents once on a first date. It wasn’t bad, but very awkward!

[Aunt_Flo]

I relate to this. For me, I think it’s partly just being in a long term relationship, and the other part is me stopping the pill and starting the implant.

Honestly, I haven’t thought too much about getting rid of the implant. Instead it’s starting making me focus on other aspects that can affect libido, like mood, and communicating with my partner.

[Aunt_Flo]

Yes! I love Drag Race and really enjoyed the Canadian season – it was a breath of fresh air.

[Author]

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