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[champagnepapi]

@tinyhunter thank you for sharing this. I’m about to start my journey of getting help for my own pelvic floor/vaginismus issues and it’s really reassuring to know that people have overcome it over time.

[champagnepapi]

@nurse_nettie thank you for that factsheet! I think I’ll go see a GP after lockdown’s over and try to get a referral. It’s a bit nerve-racking!

[champagnepapi]

I only know of one long distance relationship that’s worked out, and that’s because they put an end date to the long distance and moved in/got married. But as always, your mileage may vary. I just think for an LDR to work you have to both be on the same page about where you see the relationship heading, and work together to close the distance. If you don’t know what your intentions are and you both kind of just float along, I feel like one person, if not both, may start to get frustrated and that’s when things like cheating, etc can take place.

[champagnepapi]

I’ve never bled @tea but I definitely find sex painful, especially if I’m not ready. I recently learned about vaginismus, which is when your muscles spasm from having a tight pelvic floor.

@nurse_nettie how common is vaginismus in your clinic and what would you suggest to someone struggling with it?

[champagnepapi]

@tea it’s great to hear that you have that support system going with your partner! Must make every day that little bit easier! With the sex thing, it might be a great time to go back to the drawing board and talk about any new things you want to try and “re-learn” each other?

[champagnepapi]

@tea I wouldn’t say we moved past it, it kind of crashed and burned when they cheated on me. So that’s that haha. It took me a while to get over it but I wouldn’t trade the lessons I learned from that relationship for the world. It also put me in a much better position to give advice to my friends on recognising red flags and just overall ensuring that they’re in healthy relationships and being treated well by their partners.

In terms of fighting, I think it’s really important to have constructive arguments and some degree of conflict. I’m a bit skeptical of any couple who manages to go through life without disagreeing at least a little bit. What do you think?

[champagnepapi]

I think there’s a huge need to create educational resources that cater to individuals at any life stage/age/level of understanding. I really like the Dutch approach to sex & consent education in general, where they start as early as 4 years old and learn broad topics like respecting themselves and others’ sexuality. This will take some policy reform work in Australia though!

[champagnepapi]

I’m not huge on violence during sex, and I’m quite concerned at how it’s being normalised. Does anyone else find themselves being torn between being sex positive but then also worrying about how violence could impact relationships and just straight up become thinly veiled abuse?

[champagnepapi]

oh man, I wish I was taught this early. Much earlier than sex ed even. I think part of the reason I find it hard to assert my boundaries when I’m in a relationship and I don’t really like something the other person is doing is because I wasn’t taught from an early age that it is very okay to say no and to take up space when you do so.

[champagnepapi]

I only have experience with one type of toxic relationship, so I’m going to speak to that. We didn’t really fight but the big arguments we had never seemed to get resolved. We were also quite emotionally codependent. The highs were really high and the lows were quite low, to the point that I felt I would never get out of that cycle. I would urge people to watch out for these more subtle signs that something isn’t quite right.

[champagnepapi]

How’s everyone doing with their partners in lockdown 2.0? Are you quarantining together, or living apart? Any new or unexpected things that have come up in your relationship?

[champagnepapi]

Hi @rolldaniel, how’s it going? It’s been a while since your post so I thought I’d check in and see if you were able to have a conversation with your partner?

One thing I will mention is that attitudes to sex might change as you get older and your relationship weathers ups and downs. I wouldn’t necessarily treat it as a catastrophe, it could just be a temporary period. Is your girlfriend maybe stressed about other areas of her life? That could be contributing to it too.

[champagnepapi]

Hey @potplant! I’ve only ever used flavoured lube and quite enjoyed it, are flavoured condoms the same sort of deal taste wise?

[champagnepapi]

Hi @missperry! I think the acts that people enjoy are completely down to personal preference. I know we get told things like “men think about sex every 2 seconds”, which give the impression that all men are down for everything, all the time. However, many people may have an aversion to acts, such as oral sex, due to past bad experiences, or even simply not enjoying the sensation.

[champagnepapi]

It’s interesting that you mention the “out of sight, out of mind” element of flirting and the fact that what I don’t know can’t hurt me, but I feel that that sort of benefit of the doubt is a slippery slope. If your partner knows they can get away with a bit of flirting what else would they try to get away with? I do feel like that’s the anxiously attached part of me talking.

I know you’ve been with your partner for a while, have you ever had to navigate a conversation about flirting/desire for other people?

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