I’m so glad you felt safe to share this here, @tea.
A friend of mine came out as trans several years ago and stated that they used they/them pronouns. Recently, they posted an update to social media saying that they’d realised that the label “trans” wasn’t a good fit for them, but they consider themselves non-binary and continue to use they/them pronouns. I thought it was really brave to acknowledge that their feelings about their identity and how to describe it had changed, and I appreciated that they felt comfortable sharing this with our extended social group.
I’m telling you this story because I think that people who are questioning their gender in this hyperconnected digital age are often doing so quite publicly. There’s a lot of pressure to know your identity with great certainty from the moment you come out – to “have always known” that this is who you are. While this is true for some people, it’s not the case for everyone, and it’s normal to have feelings of uncertainty. It’s OK to try using a new pronoun or describing your gender identity with a particular word, and then later decide that a different pronoun or a different gender identity is a better fit. You’re exploring a fundamental part of who you are as a person and you don’t need to have all the answers right away, even if you choose to make that exploration public.
Good luck, @tea. I hope your gender journey takes you somewhere where you feel really good about yourself.