Always use STI protection

When you start to have sex, it’s important to keep in mind that there is a risk that you will come into contact with STIs. If you’re thinking of having sex for the first time, it’s worth thinking about how you want to stay safe.

Condoms are a great way to prevent STIs during penetrative vaginal or anal sex and oral sex with a penis. They can also be used if you’re sharing a sex toy, and can even be cut up to make a dental dam. Condoms are easy to get hold of, cheap (can even be free), and very simple to use if you follow the instructions properly.

Condoms can help prevent all STIs, including HIV, but there’s also a medication called PrEP that works just for HIV. It’s typically for people who may be at greater risk of HIV so check with your doctor or local sexual health clinic if you want to know if it’s right for you.

Choose the right contraception

If you’re having penis-in-vagina sex, you also need to think about contraception if you want to avoid unplanned pregnancy. There are so many options when it comes to contraception (IUDs, pills, implants etc.), but condoms are the only type of contraception to protect against both pregnancy and STIs.

Consent, consent, consent

Consent means giving clear permission to do something, and when it comes to sex, it’s all about making sure everyone understands what’s happening and is totally comfortable with it.

Consent should be a clear and enthusiastic “yes” from start to finish. Anyone can change their mind at any time. Consent can be verbal, like saying “yes” or “that feels good,” or non-verbal, like using positive body language, touching, or initiating things. Both are valid, but the most important thing is not to assume. If you’re unsure, just ask. There’s nothing wrong with checking in.

If you’ve both agreed to have sex, talked about it, have considered protection, and found a private, comfortable space, that’s great. But if either of you changes your mind and doesn’t want to have sex that’s totally okay too.

Sex should never happen without everyone’s consent.

If you have a vagina, pain or bleeding during first-time vaginal sex can be due to the hymen (a thin layer of skin that partially covers the vaginal opening). It can stretch or tear during penetration, which may cause some discomfort or bleeding. This is completely normal. But it’s also completely normal to have no bleeding at all — everyone’s body is different.  If sex continues to be painful after the first time, you can try slowly and gently stretching the area with fingers over time. If it still hurts after that, it’s a good idea to see a doctor who can check that everything is okay.

Pain or irritation during vaginal or anal sex is often caused by lack of lubrication (wetness). It’s completely normal not to be super wet, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or your partner. That’s where lube comes in. For vaginal sex, lube helps reduce friction, which can make sex more comfortable and enjoyable. For anal sex, lube is especially important. The anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication like the vagina does, and the skin is more delicate. Without lube, anal sex can be painful and lead to small tears. Using plenty of lube, going slowly, and staying relaxed can help a lot. That said, some people simply don’t enjoy anal sex, and that’s totally okay too.

If you have a penis, you might also experience irritation from friction during vaginal or anal sex. Lube can help reduce this, and the irritation usually goes away on its own.

If you’re aroused, relaxed, and comfortable, sex should feel pleasurable. It’s normal for sex to feel a bit awkward or unfamiliar at first, especially if it’s your first time or you’re still figuring out what you like. Communication and taking things slow can make a big difference.

Condoms can break due to friction or not being used correctly (read our quick guide on how to use a condom safely). If you’re having sex and the condom breaks, don’t panic. All you need to do is stop having sex, remove the condom, put on a new one and carry on having sex safely (if you want to). When you’re done, get an STI test (find a testing location near you). If the condom breaks when you’re having sex that can result in pregnancy and you’re not using other contraception, you can go to a chemist/pharmacist for the morning after pill.

If you’re concerned about HIV exposure after a condom breaks, especially if you’re at higher risk, you can ask a doctor, sexual health nurse or hospital about PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis). PEP is a medication that can help prevent HIV infection if taken within 72 hours of potential exposure. It’s important to seek medical advice as soon as possible if you’re thinking about taking PEP.

If you’ve used a condom, you’ll need to tie a knot in it, wrap it in a tissue, and put it in the bin. Never flush it down the toilet (seriously, don’t do it).

After having sex for the first time, you might feel different emotionally, or you might feel the same. Both are totally normal. You may feel closer to the person you had sex with, or you might not. If you feel upset or regretful afterward, it’s important to talk to someone you trust, like a friend, parent, doctor, or counsellor.

“Virginity” is a bit of a weird word as it means different things to different people. Generally, it refers to someone who hasn’t had sex yet. But there are different kinds of sex, like vaginal, anal, and oral, and only you get to decide what sex means for you.

The phrase “losing your virginity” can also be unhelpful, because it suggests you’re giving something up. But in reality, your first time can be about gaining something, like intimacy, pleasure, confidence, or connection.