Consent on TV - Play Safe Forum Topics

This topic has 10 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by champagnepapi.

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May 19, 2020 at 12:00 am #124129

Aunt_Flo
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So, like many, many other people I’ve started watching Normal People (on Stan).

The show features quite a lot of sex scenes and, along with it, really, really good examples of consent. Even in the very first sex scene, one character is very quick to ask ‘is this okay?’ and check that the other character both consents to the activity, and enjoys it. It’s such a simple and short way to ask, but it’s so great to see it represented on a TV show.

Other sex scenes in the show follow a similar route – the male character tells his female partner that they can stop at any time during sex. Apparently, the show also used an intimacy coordinator to guide the scenes (read more about that here).

How do you feel seeing or hearing about positive examples of consent on TV? Do you find it distracting from the moment, or do you enjoy seeing positive sexual behaviours?

Are there other shows, or movies for that matter, that show positive examples of consent?

May 19, 2020 at 1:15 pm #124134

EarthMama
Moderator

Yay I am so excited about this conversation @aunt_flo. I am deeply in love with Normal People right now and truly found the examples of consent throughout so sexy. I love how the moments taken for consent highlight the sensitivity of the individuals and their concern for one another. Suffice to say, I totally love it and I think it is clever the way it roots the sex in the present day. I am so here for all the sexy consent chat!!
What did you think?

May 19, 2020 at 1:47 pm #124136

curiousss
Moderator

I love seeing consent shown on TV! I think its so important to normalise consent and show people what is looks like and how normal and vital is it. We mimic so much from what we see.
I need to start Normal People asap, I’ve heard so many good reviews!

May 19, 2020 at 1:47 pm #124137

curiousss
Moderator

I love seeing consent shown on TV! I think its so important to normalise consent and show people what is looks like and how normal and vital is it. We mimic so much from what we see.
I need to start Normal People asap, I’ve heard so many good reviews!

May 19, 2020 at 3:57 pm #124139

Aunt_Flo
Moderator

I love seeing it as well! And it’s done in such an effortless way and, in the show, doesn’t take away from how sexy and intimate the situation is. If anything, it adds to it.

I’m enjoying the show so far @curiousss! I haven’t read the book but I’ve been told the show is a good adaptation.

May 20, 2020 at 9:58 am #124141

champagnepapi
Moderator

I personally LOVE seeing characters take consent seriously on TV! It’s such a step in the right direction for the kinds of messaging we need as young people.

Something I find kind of bizarre is the number of people out there who think implicit consent is enough to go through with sex. For example I was having a chat with a male friend of mine who didn’t understand why people in relationships had to consent every single time and that being together was enough of a message. Seemed kind of forceful and entitled to me.

May 21, 2020 at 9:43 am #124149

GoldenRose
Moderator

Yes! I binged watched Normal People and was so happy when I saw this display of consent! I was also happy to see that the main female character asked if he had a condom before they started. I feel like it makes it more realistic and adds a level of intimacy between the characters.

May 21, 2020 at 3:03 pm #124156

EarthMama
Moderator

@champagnepapi super interesting to think about implicit consent and how risking it is to not obtain complicit consent. I think this highlights our cultural discomfort with verbalising and passionately expressing what we really want, as well as our reluctance to hear it from other people. It’s as if we would prefer to bumble through not knowing rather than admit we really want something. I think that if as a society we were more comfortable talking about sex, we would be more comfortable talking during sex.

May 21, 2020 at 3:04 pm #124157

EarthMama
Moderator

*explicit

May 23, 2020 at 4:32 pm #124178

GoldenRose
Moderator

That’s so interesting that you say that @earthmama! I was talking to one of my girl friends the other day and she was telling me about this guy and how they hooked-up but before they did he asked if they could before doing anything and she thought it was quite odd to explicitly ask as it is not often done.

May 24, 2020 at 6:36 pm #124180

champagnepapi
Moderator

@earthmama I completely agree! ‘Using your words’ can definitely be difficult at times, especially in front of someone you’re about to be/already are intimate with. I saw this quote on instagram the other day which was like “we’re often most afraid to talk about sex with the person we’re having it with” or something along those lines which really hit home.

I think going forward in my relationships I’m going to try to be more vulnerable, not just about my emotions, but about sex too. 🙂
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