Domestic violence in the LGBTQIA community

[champagnepapi]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because one of my best friends recently broke up with his boyfriend after an argument between them got physical (instigated by his ex). However, the general reaction he’s been getting from people is a cursory “oh that’s so sad”, and not much else. I’m wondering if it’s because there’s 2 guys involved in the situation, and people think they’re able to handle it because they’re “men”? It’s almost like if two people are of the same gender it doesn’t make it as serious as a man being violent towards a woman (the most commonly reported narrative). 

I don’t really think it’s fair how his situation is getting downplayed, because domestic violence, regardless of gender, has serious adverse consequences for the victim (especially mental health). 

Would love to know your thoughts on this, I love talking about gender dynamics. 

[MintMilano]

Thanks for bringing this up @champagnepapi, it’s an issue that I don’t think gets much mainstream attention. But yes, domestic violence in same-sex couples is unfortunately a real thing that happens but because DV so commonly presents as a gendered dynamic, with gay people it just gets boiled down to an argument or something.
I think age sometimes plays a part in creating the dynamic in a same-sex relationship that gender might create in a heterosexual one. Just a personal observation, but I know a lot of gay couples with pretty significant age differences. The one who is older could potentially be stronger/more powerful or dominant, which might make difference that would make a physical altercation pretty one-sided. But even all that aside, violence perpetrated by a loved one against you is definitely emotionally scarring as well as physically, and to not have that damage acknowledged or treated seriously is even more hurtful. 

I’ve never experienced physical domestic violence, but I went through a lot of emotional abuse from my ex who was 10 years older than me. I don’t know if it would be treated differently if I was a woman, but when I finally left him it was just kind of seen that we fought a lot, when in actual fact he was being completely manipulative in a way that’s still left me pretty messed up. So maybe not a direct example, but yeah, I totally believe that those kinds of violence are underplaying in same-sex couples. 

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