He’s lovely but I’m not attracted to him

[glittergenie]

I’ve recently started dating this guy who I met through mutual friends. I don’t know him very well yet but he’s lovely and has a lot of qualities I want in a partner and I know he really likes me. The problem is I’m not physically attracted to him. I like hanging out but I’m worried about leading him on. I haven’t dated much in the past but it tends to take a while for me to connect with someone and feel attracted to them. However I’m worried that because I’m not feeling anything now that my feelings won’t grow. Help??

[Kit]

Hey @glittergenie, welcome to Play Safe.
What a lovely/exciting/confusing time the early dating stage is! It sounds like you typically like to take your time to really know your feelings and that you’re also particularly concerned about how your date is feeling in this time. In my opinion that is some great qualities to have and I don’t think you should be concerned about taking that approach. I’ve had similar kinds of relationships in the past where the attraction developed over a period of time and I think it was healthy for the both of us. How long have you been dating for at the moment? Did you know him at all before you started dating or was it a blind date kind of introduction?

[glittergenie]

Thank you 🙂 We’ve only been hanging out for about 4 weeks – so very very new and I’m probably overthinking things!! I met him a couple of months ago and we talked a few times and then went along to a couple of things that he was at along with a bunch of my friends. After that he asked if i wanted to hang out and made it clear it was meant to be a date. I dated someone else at the beginning of the year and it was brief but we’d been friends for two years so it was very intense and I developed feelings pretty quickly because I already knew him and liked him. But with this guy I don’t feel any feelings apart from friendship, which I’ve made clear to him, and I don’t know if anything is going to happen. I feel like I like the idea of him and of a relationship more than who he actually is. 

[Purple]

Hi glittergenie, I think if you’ve made it clear to him you don’t feel any feelings apart from friendship then you aren’t leading him on at all. It’s really great that you know what you want in a partner and are aware that it takes you a while to connect to others and feel attracted to them. However, if you’re not really feeling it with this guy it’s totally okay to take a step back from the friendship/relationship :smiley:

[glittergenie]

Thanks @jessica and @Kit, it’s been really helpful to chat 🙂 I had a talk with the guy about how I was feeling so we’re on the same page. I think I’m only interested in being friends at the moment. Thanks for your advice 🙂

[CloakOfAsh]

Hi @glittergenie, I think you’ve been open and honest which is great. Unfortunately, feelings aren’t always clear at first and that can take time. You’re also always allowed to change your feelings and don’t owe anyone anything so just remember that! Hope it all gets a bit clearer for you!

[ElleBelle]

I’m glad you were able to chat about it and come to an understanding @glittergenie
I’ve met so many men who are “great on paper” but there’s just been no physical connection or chemistry. It’s one of the great frustrations of dating 🙂 We do have some conversations going about dating and relationships around the forum, you’re welcome to stick around and chat with us!

[glittergenie]

Thanks @CloakOfAsh and @ElleBelle 🙂 So true, it can be really frustrating! This has been really helpful, thanks for your support. I’ll definitely stick around 🙂 

[Kit]

Glad to hear the chat helped @glittergenie and that you’re feeling good about the status of your relationship 🙂

[CloakOfAsh]

@glittergenie glad we could talk about it and help a little 🙂

[MsBlueStreak]

@glittergenie I’m glad to hear that Play Safe could help, I really love hearing when this place is able to help!

[Author]

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