I need your opinion on my boyfriend’s behavior, can you help me to understand ?

[shadeowz]

OK so here is the situation, me and my boyfriend have been dating for over 4 years now and this is our first relationship for both of us, however he refuses to have sex with me. We’ve already done the preliminaries for him.

He doesn’t want to touch me. He is not at all religious, he has no traumas. He is not against doing sexual activities. He just doesn’t want to touch me and refuses to have sex.

I’ve already tried to talk about it with him. His answer is simple. He has a mental block that prevents him from having sex with me or touching me.

I admit that I have already thought about the fact that he is potentially gay, it annoyed him and he took it very badly.

Honestly I don’t know what to think about it, is it me focusing on it and in the end he just needs more time or there’s something wrong. I would like your opinion on the situation.

Thank you for taking the time to read me. Good day to you ☺

[Nurse_Nettie]

Hi @shadeowz, it sounds like you’re a little frustrated, but sex is very different for everybody. There’s a wide sexuality spectrum, which means there are many people who love the person they are with but don’t want to have intimacy or sex. This is called asexual and aromantic identities or ACE.

You said this is a first relationship for you both, so perhaps your boyfriend hasn’t worked out yet what he wants or likes or feels comfortable doing. This can take time for people to work through and can sometime cause sexual anxiety for the person but having good communication with each other does help. Remember, any intimacy must always be consented to by you and him, so pushing the issue is not going to help either of you.

I’m not sure what the preliminaries for him are but you mentioned he has a mental block that prevents him from having sex with you or touching you. This probably needs to be explored more with him, so you both can be open and honest on what you both want and need from each other in your relationship. You may want different things, and this is ok, as it may help you decide where to go from here.

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