Inexperienced Friend

[HoneyPot]

So my best friend has never had a boyfriend (she’s a straight woman) but last year met a guy on an app and they were going on regular dates for two months, they never defined their relationship but were texting everyday and seeing each other at least weekly. She really liked him and had never really been on multiple dates with one person before. He ended up ghosting her out of freakin no where (why do people do this? please stop.) and it fucking broke her.
It was probably August last year that he ghosted but she is still really upset and says she’s still getting over it and it reluctant to go back on the apps and try dating again. I totally get that not wanting to be hurt again is a horrible feeling that stops you from wanting to put yourself out there, but how can I encourage her to move on and realise she deserves happiness?

[mak_trouble891]

That sounds horrible @HoneyPot, I really feel for your friend. People can be such cowards. It sounds like you really have your friends best interests and happiness in mind.  I think though one of the important things to remember is that this was a first experience for your friend and that grief and healing happens at different rates for everyone. Maybe rather than encouraging her back onto dating apps, why not suggest doing something with her, so you and her example trivia or a place where you can just go out together for fun but also she can meet new people and where there is a potential to date but its not the focus. I hope this helps 🙂

[MintMilano]

@HoneyPot I totally agree with @mak_trouble891. Perhaps jumping back on the apps isn’t the best decision or the right pathway to getting your friend back to where she needs to be. Relationships should be about complementing your life, not filling in holes to complete it. I know its a massive cliche but I’ve always found the best relationships have come to me when I wasn’t looking for them, just through friends of friends and random connections. Not that there’s anything wrong meeting through the apps, but if the thought of it is giving your friend anxiety, there are other ways to be social and put yourself out there and meet people without being under the scrutinising lens of Tinder, etc. 

[HoneyPot]

Ah awesome! Great advice both of you, thankyou!!! I will suggest that we do some kinda fun thang together, and I love trivia hahah! Any other suggestions of how to meet people? I know she’s keen to meet people in person, but I don’t think she’s keen for clubs or bars and she isn’t at uni anymore. 

[MintMilano]

@HoneyPot that in itself is another big issue! meeting people in environments that aren’t a little bit sexually charged (like nightclubs where people tend to hook up, etc.) seems tricky because you don’t want to set out with the intent of meeting people because that would make it seem almost sleazy, I guess? Anything that has meetings for people with certain interests? Any unisex sports teams, maybe? I was giving similar advice to a friend the other day who was having no luck finding a boyfriend on Grindr, and I know there’s a gay team of pretty much every sport or interest group, but I’m racking my brain trying to think outside my LGBT world and it’s a little more difficult!   :#

[EarthMama]

Okay- so I am not super sure on the best places to find dates HOWEVER @HoneyPot I would suggest your friend attends some kind of fun class or activity that suits her interests. I think the best thing for her right now is to meet people that reaffirm the goodness of others, whether or not they are a date or a friend, I think she really needs to regain her faith first and then she may feel strong enough to try dating. 

[EarthMama]

@HoneyPot Even bringing her on here to remind her of the goodness of others might do wonders!

[HoneyPot]

aww thanks fine folks! Some great ideas in here – She actually loves exercise so maybe we could do some sort of fitness class together! Thanks so much 😀 

[peachy]

@HoneyPot I would definitely definitely recommend GirlCrew if she wants to get her confidence back with meeting new people. It’s a facebook group (but they also have an app which is a bit quieter) where women just post activities they want to do and people will just respond and meet up (usually in a group). I’ve been to a drag show and a comedy night through it, and made some really nice friends!

[-_-]

Meeting new people and getting out there and trying new things is the perfect way to get over someone!

I moved to Australia a year ago and didn’t know anyone. Now I have a really great group of friends that I’ve met through a few channels

Here’s a few ideas…

• Meetup.com – go along to some events, join lots of groups
• Join a sports team – Urban Rec is amazing and you can legitimately play sports like Dodgeball
• Join Facebook groups of your interestSydney and arrange a meetup – I met my close group of girl mates through We Are Explorers facebook group
• I second @peachy  for GirlCrew too

Hope your friend feels better soon @HoneyPot, and everyone needs a friend like you who obviously cares so much

[HoneyPot]

Thanks a lot for that @peachy and @ekoorb9 ! Awesome suggestions to check out! I actually play netball with urban rec with some friends – such fun 😀 

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