Great topic @sextronaut! That internalized bisexual erasure is strong with me. It took me such a long time to accept my identity, even now I still struggle with owning the label. That said though, not everyone needs or likes to have a label, which is totally fine too! The internet definitely made me feel better about my sexuality – actually before the internet, I had no idea you COULD be anything other than straight!! There was just never any queer people in my community who were out that I knew of, so I didn’t really know any better. Looking back, it would have been nice to know the reason I didn’t like boys so much in high school like all of my friends was because I never had to in the first place! (I mean, I still like them, I just like girls a whole lot more)!

This one is tricky for me because I’ve only ever been with boys but I feel like I am open to dating anyone. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship and have only dated a couple of boys so I feel like my sexuality is still something that I’m figuring out, which is ok too!

Thank you so much for sharing your story @will! I’m glad you were able to find a better place within yourself to be more ‘you’ even if that can take some time. That group session sounds so good!! I’ll have to have a look into that – I’m sure there are spaces like Twenty10 who would run something similar, but not too sure. I’ll look into it some more and get back to everyone if I find anything!

On another note, I think using terms like ‘platinum gay’ and ‘gold star lesbian’ can actually be quite harmful terms to use. It excludes the trans community from these spaces and can come across as transphobic. I think moving away from terms like these helps create safer spaces for everyone and makes it easier to view sexuality as a spectrum, where you don’t need to be a b c to fit in. Let me know what you think about that though!

I’m the same as @tea – I didn’t know that you could be gay (or bi for that matter) until I saw it represented on television. Funnily enough, the Simpsons episode with John Waters (zzzzzzap!) was my introduction to it.

Negative representation of bisexuality really affected me in my teen years – it seemed like so many representations of female/female love and sex were skewed for a male audience, or were framed in a way that positioned bisexuality as ‘fake’ and a tool to attract men. Yuck!

I haven’t really had to confront my sexuality per se, as I’ve been in a long term relationship with a man, but the more positive representations of bisexuality I feel, the more I realise how strongly I’ve felt about women before, or how I actually had crushes on women growing up.

I’m actually a bit afraid of being confident in my sexuality, because of the nagging feeling in the back of my head that asks if I don’t actually like girls, because I’ve never dated a woman.

Hearing about other prideful people who own their bisexuality in male/female relationships makes me feel really comfortable, as does hearing about bisexuality as a spectrum, rather than a black and white category.

I’m still figuring it out, but seeing other people being so confident is really really heartening and helpful.

How wonderful to everyone’s stories.
Another bi-sexual woman here who struggles with internalised homophobia and bi-erasure.
I really resonated with what you said @sextronaut about confidence levels when it comes to coming out. I have been dating in a heterosexual capacity lately, which has made me feel totally weird about my identity. I come out so rarely these days that I’ve almost forgotten how to?!
I also don’t have as many queer friends as I used to, so I think that plays a role in feeling removed.
It’s so lovely to feel connected to you all through this experience.

After posting in what is pansexual I had raised the question am I queer enough?

Thank you so much @sextronaut for starting this thread and I really feel all of your comments here. I feel like because I am in a ‘straight’ relationship that I am not queer enough. I realise that this is part preference or programming and despite having relationships with people of different genders (mostly secretly – I was closeted) I don’t feel like I should have to justify my pansexuality but I kind of feel like some LGBTQ people I know would say ‘but you’ve only had/mostly had boyfriends’ so you aren’t really pansexual you are just a bit hetero-flexible or something along those lines.

To be honest I haven’t really come out to any of my friends because I am scared that they won’t take me seriously or just laugh it off…

100% love this @aunt_flo and think that I am experiencing many of the same thought you did in that ‘being silly’ or ‘attention seeking’

The reality is like you say is that when I came out to my boyfriend he was like that’s rad, I am happy for you and nothing changes for us and it felt SO DAMN RIGHT AND GOOD AND MADE SENSE!!! Just to vocalise it and to not be dismissive of my sexuality but to own it.

I’m glad to hear your friends were so supportive – I hope my friends do the same. I don’t plan on telling anyone soon aside from my partner and my ex (who came out to me when we were together so I know he’d be stoked for me) and my cousin who came out last year too. So choosing carefully with the people who I know will take me seriously and be so happy for me. Nothing changes for me, I just feel a little more complete and whole. Gosh it’s so weird living your life as a straight lady and then being like ‘tah-dah’ I’m queer!!! Give’s me SO much empathy for everyone who’s worked through this before and into the future.

And for the support here, incredible x