Hmm I think knowing someone intimately before having sex with someone could make sex more enjoyable, but not always @earthmama. I suppose it would depend on the kind of person you are too and how you value relationships in general?

I think @sextronaut has the right idea about knowing someone better and that helping with your ‘skills’ but yeah ultimately communication is key!

Also LOVE the “Washed hands is also super important for any sexual encounter, too.” advice @sextronaut!!

Oh maybe! @earthmama! Hmm, I suppose if you ended up somewhere completely different to what yo were used to – and had a new group of people you were introduced to, then boundaries might differ? I wonder if it’s different cross-culturally as well?

@sextronaut the washed hands thing!!! begone bacterial vaginosis ahaha. Best advice ever and not heart nearly enough!

I had quite a lot of casual sex when I got out of my long term relationship last year, and I think that the things that make sex good in a relationship (intimacy, trust and communication like you said, @earthmama) can still be present in casual sex and hookups!

Like, I made a commitment to myself that if I didn’t like someone enough to hang out with them outside the bedroom, I probably didn’t like them enough to be having sex with them. If they didn’t make me feel totally safe and comfortable, we certainly shouldn’t be playing with each other’s genitals.

I think communication communication communication is so important! Establish expectations really soon on – I was straight up with my partners (mostly met through apps) that I was looking for ongoing casual sex, with dates and fun times. If they just wanted to go home and bang and never see each other again, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted so that mismatch was just not gonna work. But people who were into that too meant we were already building a shared base of communication and intimacy.

Intimacy wise, I think that comes with communication and being open about what you want and open to what they want. I’m a big fan of talking about life and whatever with my hookups. We don’t have to text and chat loads between seeing each other, but I feel like if you’re having ongoing sex with someone, I like to have at least a passing investment in how they’re doing can only be a good thing!

For trust, I really strongly feel that if you don’t feel you can trust someone, you shouldn’t be sleeping with them. You can both be having lots of casual hookups and totally non-exclusive, and still trust each other. How else do you make yourself vulnerable talking about what your into, or have open, judgement free conversations about contraception and kinks and whatever?

Also, this old chestnut is basically a cliche, I know, but be yourself in a really big way! If you feel performative or like you’re being your ‘good behaviour’ self on dates, you’re never gonna totally unwind in the bedroom, which is a big barrier in the way of great sex! If they’re not totally into you when your being your ‘most self’, then they’re not worth your time and energy in bed! You’re great, make sure they see that first 🙂 Knowing that will also make you way more comfortable, communicating and building intimacy!

Such good advice @kitkat!

That’s a good question @EarthMama… I maybe am less nervous/awkward when sleeping with someone who I wouldn’t really hang out with otherwise cause I’m less worried of what they think as sometimes I find myself being worried about you know how I look or sound during sex (which I should’t be!).