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This topic contains 7 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by EarthMama EarthMama 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #122274
    EarthMama
    EarthMama
    Moderator

    I am of the opinion, through my life experience, that it is far more common to have great sex in an ongoing and intimate relationship, that it is in something casual and sporadic. I would love to be wrong about this! If intimacy, trust and communication are not the only ingredients of great sex, what are the others? And please, how do you establish these in casual sexual encounters!?

    #122278
    tea
    tea
    Moderator

    Hmm, other ingredients of great sex…@earthmama..there could be so many I suppose, but they’d be so specific to what you like individually? I think universally, you’ve got the right idea with intimacy, trust and communication!

    Hmm maybe being open-minded? I think that would set things up for anyone involved to be more comfortable in asking for things that they like!

    #122308
    EarthMama
    EarthMama
    Moderator

    @tea I hear you on the open-mindedness, but I suppose my curiosity is about how all these things factor in when we HAVEN’T yet built an understanding of another’s personality. Do you think we need to know about someone intimately, before we can enjoy good sex with them?

    #122324
    sextronaut
    sextronaut
    Moderator

    Great topic @earthmama! My main advice for great casual sex would be communication, consent, gentle starts and safety. Open-mindedness is fantastic so long as it’s balanced with communicated boundaries. 🙂 Washed hands is also super important for any sexual encounter, too. Ideally, I like to discuss safe sex options and contraception prior to things getting steamy in a casual way but I know this can be awkward sometimes. Also, I think communicating boundaries is really important – i.e. not wanting to do certain sexual acts/condoms must be worn, etc. I think taking it slow to explore how your bodies connect is a good move as well, and then you/they can communicate what you/they like from there.

    Of course, like anything, practice makes perfect so getting to know someone’s body a little over time will help with sex ‘skills’, but I think being a great communicator could absolutely make for fantastic sex with strangers (so long as you find a good communicator)!

    #122357
    tea
    tea
    Moderator

    Hmm I think knowing someone intimately before having sex with someone could make sex more enjoyable, but not always @earthmama. I suppose it would depend on the kind of person you are too and how you value relationships in general?

    I think @sextronaut has the right idea about knowing someone better and that helping with your ‘skills’ but yeah ultimately communication is key!

    Also LOVE the “Washed hands is also super important for any sexual encounter, too.” advice @sextronaut!!

    #122365
    EarthMama
    EarthMama
    Moderator

    Thanks @tea and @sextronaut – all great advice!
    I am finding more and more however that the success of causal encounters is based on the premise that all people have the same understanding around boundaries, safe practices, consent and expectations. I wonder is this all comes down to running in circles that hold the same values to us?

    #122413
    tea
    tea
    Moderator

    Oh maybe! @earthmama! Hmm, I suppose if you ended up somewhere completely different to what yo were used to – and had a new group of people you were introduced to, then boundaries might differ? I wonder if it’s different cross-culturally as well?

    #122419
    EarthMama
    EarthMama
    Moderator

    Yes I think it is!! I am starting to realise that whist I surround myself in general with feminist and sex-positive people, when you meet someone outside of your circle, these values can really differ. Perhaps I just need to be a little more discerning 😉

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