Advice for mis-matched libido

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I’ve been in a long term relationship for a few years and following the first few months excitement and passion, it has become clear that we have very different libidos. I feel like this is partially due to me being on the pill long term, but I definitely don’t have much of a drive. Wondering if anyone else has this problem in their relationship? I have thoughts about trying to come off the pill but I feel like i’m so used to knowing when i’ll get my period and am worried about how my body will change coming off it.

[Raincoat]

Hey @yogigirl

I’m so glad someone has spoken about this!

I found this thread really helpful topic here Thanks to @tea @sextronaut @stephaniaaaah for the thread. With it being a year on @nursenettie may have more to add to this though.

My story is I’ve been on the contraceptive pill for the last 12 years (since I was 16), but in the last 2 years I switched to a pill called Desogestrel which I take every day – it’s convenient because I haven’t had a period in 2 years!

I’ve been in a long-term relationship for 6 years but about 6 months into the pill change, I noticed a real difference in my libido with my partner, so you’re definitely not alone. I’ve been considering transitioning off this pill to a different form of contraception for a while.

I’ve chickened out of mentioning sex drive to my Dr, but I’ve come to a realisation I just need to say it out-loud because let’s be honest I’ll benefit from it.

I understand everyone’s different, but is there a form of contraception that people have used that hasn’t impacted their libido as strongly as the every day pill?

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Hey @raincoat, thanks for sharing! That thread is really helpful.

Since my last post I have decided to take a break from the pill completely. I’ve been on it for so long that I want to give my body a break and see if my libido picks up. I am intrigued as to how my body might change coming off it after so long. @nursenettie is there anything I should expect to change?

[Aunt_Flo]

I relate to this. For me, I think it’s partly just being in a long term relationship, and the other part is me stopping the pill and starting the implant.

Honestly, I haven’t thought too much about getting rid of the implant. Instead it’s starting making me focus on other aspects that can affect libido, like mood, and communicating with my partner.

[bed buddies]

Interesting conversation where the context seems to be that a low libido is the bad thing, and that you think you need to change something to match your partner. Im 52, and have been through many relationships, some good, some bad, but the thing for me that Ive taken from all of this, is that relationships are a two way street.
I dont know if you have ever heard this before but it resonates with me in relation to sexual compatibility in long term relationships… men need sex to feel loved, while women need to feel loved to want sex.
Is the problem here that you have lost the feeling of being loved? We all become complacent about things in our lives, and its very easy to fall in the trap of taking our partners for granted.
Im going to make a stereo typical generalisation here and state that men are inherently bad at emotional connection, and if its the emotional connection you need to feel loved, and subsequently want to make love, then your man has to step up. I recall a saying once that the best foreplay in a long term relationship is for the man to do the dishes after dinner while the woman goes and has a long hot bath. Now this exact scenario may not float your boat, but think about it, when was the last time your man made you feel special?
I lost my longest relationship to factors that I thought were outside my control (loss of a son), however at the end of the day, if I had put the effort in to understand my wife and her needs, Im sure we would still be together today. But just remember, its a two way street, you need to take time to understand his needs too. Sometimes its a case of fake it until you make it.
Ive since found the light at the end of the tunnel, and I now have a partner that is my best mate, my lover, and my rock. We are continually exploring this world of opporutnity together and have just started our own online adult products store, in the hope of sharing some of the “spice of life”. Come say hello and check us out, and think about how you might be able to re-ignite that spark that was once there. http://www.bedbuddies.com.au

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Hey @aunt_flo, yes I think it’s just one of those inevitable things about being in a long term relationship. The ‘honeymoon’ phase doesn’t last forever!

I’ve been trying to do more yoga and meditation recently which has been helping with my mood. I do think COVID has made all emotions a lot more heightened so it’s good to take that time out and reflect on what could be effecting my emotions.

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