My friend is recently back on the dating scene and does meet too many new people in his day to day life. He’s on dating apps etc. but he likes more of an organic approach so this doesn’t work so well for him.
We have been discussing this between us quite a bit lately. He talks about possibly approaching women he see’s and is attracted to, and attempting to strike up a conversation. However, he is not too sure this is appropriate or not.
So first off is this an appropriate thing to do?
If so, what are healthy ways to approach new people in a manner that respects that person’s safety and boundaries?
I understand this is quite contextual and subjective however it will be interesting to see other peoples opinions.
Definitely a controversial, yet totally valid topic @catdog! I think going up to someone and having a chat is appropriate if there are good intentions. Like, a normal chat would be okay – but going up to someone and telling them they look hot or something wouldn’t be okay.
Respecting people’s boundaries are something to consider too, so if someone doesn’t look like they want to talk – then don’t. Are they alone? Talking with someone? These are also things to consider and whether that person would want to be interrupted or not.
Personally, a nice normal chat would be fine with me and if the person asked for my number at the end, I might give it to them depending on how the conversation went. I think it’s important to keep in mind that when initiating these conversations, it’s best not to have any expectations of getting something out of it. You might not, but that’s okay too.
@catdog So I was just going through some of my desk stuff and came across a phone number, which made me think of the story behind it!
I was looking around a bookshop once and someone approached me to say hello, introduce themselves and then gave me their phone number written down on a piece of paper. They said to call if I wanted to go for coffee sometime and then left me alone.
It was kind of weird because I was just going about my day looking through some books but I kind of liked this approach! It wasn’t pushing me into doing anything I wanted to do and I was left with the option to choose what to do next. Maybe your friend could also try something like that?
Interesting! I totally love @tea’s suggestion. Just something like that, nice and casual would be good. I’ve been approached a couple of times in person and it kind of through me off cause I was in my own little world staring out into space and not expecting anyone to talk to me. I think it’s totally fine when you’re at a bar, sometimes when you’re just walking on the street it can be a little full on though.
@tea I think you hit the nail on the head there. Really respecting the other persons boundaries and going in without out any expectations is huge consideration.
My friend thanks you guys because he been keeping up to date with this thread and has gone out and done pretty much exactly what you experienced at the bookshop @tea. He has gotten a mixture of results but for the most part they have been positive. He told me that actually one person was really honest with him saying that that approach would be too forward for many people. A conversation followed, details were exchanged and they have met up since I believe.
Ohh cool, I’m so happy your friend has tried out our advice @catdog! Yeah, I can see why there would be a lot of mixed reactions with a very forward approach like that. But I’m glad your friend has had mostly positive encounters so far!
@catdog @tea but I think this is such a great discussion to have! I think it’s okay to talk to a person casually if you just start a friendly chat say while you are both waiting for coffee or in the same situation together but it has to be totally natural and not forced.
I have met people outside of the apps by joining a meetup group. It’s so much easier to approach people here because you already have the same interests of whatever the meetup group is, and you aren’t on your own so it keeps it casual.
Personally if a guy approached me out of the blue to chat and then asked for my number I wouldn’t like it!