Coping with a missing sex drive

[Aunt_Flo]

So, my sex drive is pretty much completely gone. And I’m a bit stuck with what to do about it. I’ve gone from getting wet really easily to needing lube to help reduce pain from friction.

I genuinely don’t know what the cause could be. I got off the pill and switched to the implant mid last year, which could be one reason. But I’m also more stressed than I’ve ever been, both at home and at work, have had a pretty bad sleep schedule for the best part of a year, and feel like I’m running on fumes most of the time.

Honestly, I don’t mind so much. It’s just not something I think about, I’m not really a porn watcher, and I can still masturbate, but it’s more functional than intimate, e.g. I do it to help me sleep. However, it’s really affecting my partner and so that’s where it’s starting to affect me.

He has been commenting that we’ve not been having sex often, comparing us to other hypothetical couples and saying that we’re not having sex nearly as often as other couples are age, and is now starting to question whether I’m attracted to him. To be honest, I’m getting a bit frustrated that sex is the issue for him – for me, the issues is what’s causing it. I wish he was more concerned that my mood and stress level could be impacting my sex drive, rather than the fact that I don’t have a sex drive. It’s also getting emotionally taxing to convince him I’m attracted to him, because I don’t have a lot of emotion to spare for anyone. It’s starting to make me feel guilty for my lack of sex drive, which I know I have no real control over. And it’s making me feel like shit to have him compare us to other couples.

So, I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel sexy at all, which doesn’t bother me – I feel pretty neutral about my body, and have even recently got a tattoo on an area I didn’t like which I now love. But I just don’t have that urge and don’t really miss it. I get that sex matters in a relationship, but communication and quality time matters more to me.

How can I work through this alone, and with my partner? I don’t know what to say or do to him, and I honestly have no clue how to unwind – I do yoga regular, catch up with friends, play video games. I do the ‘relaxing’ things, but never seem to wind down.

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