Hi Nurse Nettie, slightly embarrassing question here but it’s been on my mind. I went on a date with a guy the other night and it was going really well. He walked me home, I invited him in, and sure enough we started getting down to business. But even though I liked this guy, found him attractive and had been very much enjoying myself, my erection throughout the entire time was half-hard/mediocre at best.
I broke up with my longer term partner about three months ago, and I’ve had a few casual partners since then where I’ve never had this problem, but this is the first more romantically involved guy I’ve been with since then. I feel like I’m too young to for my body to be failing me with erectile dysfunction (!!!), so I’m wondering if there are any other reasons why my penis might be letting me down in a time of need? I had a really nice time with this guy, and he didn’t seem too worried by it, but I don’t want him to take it as a sign that I don’t like him, because I do!
I’ll let Nurse Nettie weigh in on the mechanical side of things @MintMilano, but I’ll tackle the worries about your date thinking you aren’t interested. If you’re worried about what he’s thinking and it happens again, then I’d suggest talking about it (talking that great healer of things).
It doesn’t need to be a lengthy and in-depth conversation, just tell him that it has nothing to do with you’re interested in him and that he shouldn’t take any offense. You might even like to mention that you’re checking out what’s going on with a sexual health nurse *waves at the awesome Nurse Nettie*.
My one other suggestion, avoid the cliched “this has never happened before” line – because it might come across as a line.
Hi @MintMilano @MsBlueStreak, you’ve come to the right place for help. Despite popular belief its hard for most guys to get an erection every time! This may be related to physical factors such as hormones, blood flow, sickness or even recreational or prescribed drugs & alcohol. There are also psychological factors that impact erections too (anxiety, depression, past abuse for example). Erectile problems are common in new relationships, as expectations are high and ‘performance’ anxiety is often felt. Getting a new partner to stimulate you in the right way may be tricky too.
The good news is that if you can have & maintain an erection during masturbation without a problem then its likely to be related to how you think & feel & not a physical problem. Take your time to explore sex with this new partner. Talk to him about what stimulates you & find out what makes him aroused. This can be fun!
Treatments for erectile problems may involve counselling or medication or a combination of both. If you find it continues @MintMilano & it impacts on your sex life, visit your doctor to work out a plan to get back into action.
Thanks @Nurse_Nettie! After considering all that, I guess it might have been a combination of being nervous and one too many beers on the date before the bedroom 😀 guess I’ll just have to have a second date and try again!
This is tough! I actually was talking with some friends about this the other night and it’s a vicious cycle. It doesn’t do everything you expect once and you begin to stress which makes it worse. The plus side was that most of us it was just a phase and those that it wasn’t it was an easy fix with the doc 🙂
Update: second date ended much more successfully! Erection was much better behaved >:)
Hi! Thanks for sharing @MintMilano and @Nurse_Nettie for the advice, very helpful. I’d like to talk about how to bring something like this up when the person who is finding it difficult to get/maintain an erection is feeling really down and embarrassed about it. Is something like “Hey, what’s been happening really isn’t a big deal, but I think it’d be great if you would go to the doctor and have it checked out because it may be a health related issue” okay? When is an appropriate time to bring it up, just in normal conversation? What do you guys think?
@Purple hmm thats a tough call. Struggling to get an erection is embarrassing enough for yourself without having other people pointing it out. In the case of my original post it was very much a mind over matter thing – there was a lot going on in my head that I think was getting in the way at the time.
I guess I would suggest trying to help that person feel comfortable with whatever you’re doing in the bedroom. Asking if there’s something else they like that you could try, or if there’s anything bothering them. but if its ongoing and persistent it might be worth asking a doctor. bringing it up in normal conversation could work, but depending on your connection with the person it might bring it up after sex/when the problem is present and topical. It might be a bit off putting to be asked randomly out of the blue, and then they’ll think you’ve been thinking about it a lot, which might make them more anxious or embarrassed about it? or maybe thats just me 😀
@MintMilano that’s exactly the problem, I don’t want to point it out and make the person feel even more uncomfortable. at the same time there are solutions and I want them to know I am willing to be there for them and that I care. you are probably right, best to bring it up perhaps with comments as you’ve suggested i.e. is everything okay/would you like to try something else before moving onto something more direct like would it be helpful to go to the doctor or speak to a sexual health professional. Appreciate your help 🙂
I read the other day that ginger can help with erectile dysfunction… maybe enjoy a little ginger herbal tea before the evening gets steamy.. 😉