Foreplay!

[mak_trouble891]

So I’m stuck for foreplay ideas…
I have been in a relationship with my partner for well over a year now, we are also living together. We have both noticed that foreplay has stopped and we just sort of have sex and be done with it. We have spoken many times, and he likes it when I initiate it, and I like it when he initiates it…. So we are kind of stuck 😐
What kind of foreplay things can I do to spice up my sex life again?

[Kit]

Dice! Or make your own.

But you need two – one says actions, the other says locations and you take it in turns to roll. So you both ‘initiate’.

[Aunt_Flo]

@kit that is clever! Otherwise, doing things like teasing, saying ‘I dare you to X’ might encourage him participating more in a less obvious way. 

[Aunt_Flo]

@mak_trouble891 what are you looking for in ‘foreplay’? (I feel like expectations might vary!)

[NickiPower]

@kit’s comment is so fun! @mak_trouble891 You can always do the massage if you like that kind of thing, there’s candles out there that the wax is actually massage oil so you can have a nice mood setting and oil! It’s a win/win! 

[Kit]

Glad you liked @Aunt_Flo @NickiPower!

Disclaimer: this is from an actual dice set my friend gave me but it has three dice – actions, body parts, and locations… like bedroom, bathroom, car, etc. When I said locations above I really meant on the body but if you’re making your own, the choice is up to you @mak_trouble891!  o:)

[Kit]

And the actions are like tickle, blow, kiss, nibble etc so you can vary the intensity and sensation on your ‘dice’ set.

[mak_trouble891]

Honestly @Aunt_Flo I just want him to not say ‘You wanna have sex?’ have think that that gets me in the mood lol I would really be happy with some cuddling or kissing beforehand at this stage lol I know I’m not dating a romantic
Although the dice thing does sound like a fun idea @Kit maybe he might be into that, its worth a try

[Kit]

No harm in trying 😉

[tea]

Oh man foreplay is sssoooo important in setting the mood for sexy times. I so relate though, often I find myself just wanting to get sex over and done with, totally forgetting that it’s more than just sex sometimes. Did you end up finding any good ways to spice things up @mak_trouble891?

[MintMilano]

I think kissing is actually kinda under rated as foreplay. Like, good hard passionate making out. With the guy I’m currently seeing, we pretty much always start out with a heavy petting/make out session. doing it fully clothed also helps because there’s like, that anticipation, I suppose? and then before long you’re frantically ripping each others clothes off because you’re well and truly in the mood. 

[EarthMama]

I love that sentiment about all life basically being foreplay. And whilst I’ve never tried it, I once heard a really sweet idea about building up to sexy times throughout the day- like beginning in the morning with notes and sending little texts and things or even sneaky pictures throughout the day (if you’re apart at work or whatever) and then eventually coming together. I feel like foreplay sustained in that way over a long period of time could be super powerful! 

[tea]

@EarthMama I totally love this idea though, I practice this kind of thing with my girlfriend and it’s such a good bonding experience as well as a good build up to sexy times. It helps me feel appreciated and is a great way for me to show how much my gf means to me too.

I think also spending time apart works great too. Not as in a ‘break’ but more of being individuals, instead of one human blob. I think a lot of relationships can fall into that comfortable spot where you’re so used to spending a lot of time together (I’m guilty of this), and whilst it’s not at all a bad thing, I think it would impact on sex life for sure. Spending some time apart helps to build up the suspense, the longing for one another, I guess it can help to re-ignite the spark in a way?

What are your thoughts on spending some time apart?

[EarthMama]

@tea Ooh yes I love this!! Obviously it is so important to maintain selfhood whilst in a relationship. I feel like as humans we can be very typical (rubber band effect, anyone??) The second someone leaves us alone, we want them back. It is almost as if time and space are aphrodisiacs !! 

[MintMilano]

@tea time apart absolutely ramps up the sexual urges a bit when you see them again, I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now and we usually see each other once or twice during the week as well as weekends, but last week we were so busy so we didn’t see each other at all. and then when I saw him on Friday all it took was a kiss hello to start getting me in the mood  😀

but back on the point of foreplay – I was in a workshop last week that talked about foreplay and how it’s actually kind of a poorly defined concept. like suggesting certain sex acts are lesser or not as good as the “main event” i.e. penetrative sex. sometimes me and my man just like to give each other oral sex and get off that way. Oral sex is considered foreplay to some people, but for us it was the main event. So now I try to avoid the word foreplay because of that. HOWEVER getting someone exciting and in the mood for sexy times is still absolutely necessary. 

[Author]

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