Girlfriend suddenly hates everything sexual when not in person

[RollDaniel]

Hey all, I had no idea where to go to get help with my current situation, so I hope you guys can help me out. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now; she showed interest in me and we started experimenting with a lot of sexual activities before dating. We lost our virginity to each other a year after getting together, and the relationship was wonderful in terms of sexual activities, she introduced me to kinks, sexting, videocalling, everything. She loved doing and talking about these things. But after about a year of having regular sex and everything going well, she begun to hate talking about anything sexual, and refused to do anything over the phone or online. I didn’t do anything wrong, I’ve always been extremely respectful when it comes to those kinds of things, so I have no idea what could have caused this, because when we’re together in person everything is the same it used to be, the problem is when we’re not together, she’s almost a whole different person. It gets to the point where I can’t even compliment her butt in a picture or anything, she’ll say its gross or something like that, and refuse to talk about it any further. Anyone have any clue of what could have caused this or what I could do to help us go back to normal?

[YogiGirl]

Hey @rolldaniel, sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time with you girlfriend. There’s definitely a ‘honeymoon’ phase at the beginning of a relationship where you might be having a lot of sex, but it’s natural for things to calm down slightly. It sounds like your girlfriend had a real mental shift towards sex which it would be great for you to get some clarity over. I know she isn’t keen on speaking to anyone about it but do you think you could suggest going to a sex therapist or someone who doesn’t know you to have an honest conversation? That’s something I suggested to my ex when we were going through a disconnect. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Open communication is the best way 🙂

[YogiGirl]

Another thing @rolldaniel is that maybe she is worried about anything she might send remaining private. Sexting is something that can be fun but also comes with the risk of those images being shared if anything was to happen between you. Could this be something she is concerned about? I guess if so, it’s just important to make sure she has your trust 🙂

[champagnepapi]

Hi @rolldaniel, how’s it going? It’s been a while since your post so I thought I’d check in and see if you were able to have a conversation with your partner?

One thing I will mention is that attitudes to sex might change as you get older and your relationship weathers ups and downs. I wouldn’t necessarily treat it as a catastrophe, it could just be a temporary period. Is your girlfriend maybe stressed about other areas of her life? That could be contributing to it too.

[PotPlant]

Hey @rolldaniel

Definitely agree with @champagnepapi here. Sexuality can often go through peaks and troughs and also people just go through peaks and troughs in terms of how good they are feeling. Perhaps just leave it a bit for now and work on enjoying each others company and building a relationship. Then when the time is right you can both have an open conversation about sex, wants and boundaries.

Hope this helps!

[PotPlant]

Hey @rolldaniel

Definitely agree with @champagnepapi here. Sexuality can often go through peaks and troughs and also people just go through peaks and troughs in terms of how good they are feeling. Perhaps just leave it a bit for now and work on enjoying each others company and building a relationship. Then when the time is right you can both have an open conversation about sex, wants and boundaries.

Hope this helps!

[Author]

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