How do you tell someone you're not feeling it mid-way through?

[Aunt_Flo]

You’re hugging, kissing, maybe you’ve even started having sex then suddenly…nah, not feeling it.

How do you tell someone that you’re ‘not feeling it’ – that while you’ve started being intimate or having sex, you now want to stop and watch a movie.

Has this happened to you? How have you approached it? Did you/would the other person’s feelings factor in to what you say?

[tea]

Thank you for this post @aunt_flo! This gives me so much anxiety honestly. For a long time, I thought you weren’t allowed to do something like this, to be honest!! Then I learnt that consent isn’t linear and can be revoked at any time.

It took me a while to build up the courage to say anything though. But now it’s okay! I just stop the person and tell them I would like to stop now, or is it okay if we just cuddle?

[GoldenRose]

Such a good post! It’s ok to stop when you’re just not feeling it anymore!

Same with @tea, this is something that took me a while to build up the courage to say anything but most of the time the other person will be understanding and they want you to be comfortable and if they’re not then they’re probably not someone you want to be spending time with in my opinion.

When taking the other person’s feeling into consideration I just try to explain that it’s not because of them but I’m just not in the mood or it’s not feeling right at the moment.

[GoldenRose]

But in saying that you also don’t have to explain yourself or give a reason, if you don’t want to then you don’t want to!

[Aunt_Flo]

True @GoldenRose! You don’t need any reason other then ‘I don’t want to/I’m not feeling it’.

[Catdog]

Yeah I feel that is reason enough to warrant wanting to stop. It’s completely fine and normal to stop if you say you’re not feeling it anymore at any time.

For me intimacy is so much more about making my partner feel good and comfortable. If they aren’t into it at the time I would absolutely want them to tell me that.

[Aunt_Flo]

Agreed @catdog. I would hope my sexual partners feel comfortable enough with me to straight away let me know if they’re not into it.

[tea]

@goldenrose Totally agree with not having to give a reason if you don’t want to! Solid advice.

I really love that everyone is affirming how normal it is to stop and say no. That makes me feel a lot better about doing that myself!

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