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Home Forums Sex & Relationships In it for the long haul

  • This topic has 8 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Kit.
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  • #106297
    pollypower
    Participant

    How do others keep things fresh in a long term relationship? 

    #109081
    Aunt_FloAunt_Flo
    Moderator

    Firstly it depends on what we define as ‘long term’. I’m in a four year relationship and I don’t know if it counts. I haven’t found a need to keep things fresh because things aren’t boring to start with. But, I would say that trying is really important. I think when one person stops trying, especially in long term relationships it can really make things suffer. Things like compliments, planning a night out, attempting a sex life if your busy. I think that’s really important for returning to or staying in a fresh state. 

    #109082
    NickiPower
    Participant

    That’s a really interesting question @pollypower! What is your definition of ‘long term’?

    #109083
    Curiosity
    Participant

    Changing things up by having different date nights. Doesn’t have to be expensive, sometimes just going for a walk and getting a hot chocolate works for my partner and I. As long as both people put in the effort, I think that’s what matters the most.

    #109084
    NickiPower
    Participant

    @pollypower I know someone who did the A-Z of dates, so each month they picked a date using a letter of the alphabet. There was some pretty cool ones – S they did Strawberry Picking, M was movies etc. 

    #109085
    Kit
    Participant

    I think it’s important to have a healthy balance of the chilling-on-the-couch, mindblowing-date, and sweet-little-gestures stuff in a relationship. The idea of having five positive interactions to every negative one seems like a good way to keep everything fresh, regardless of the relationship length. It’s something I’ve heard but not necessarily focused on doing. What do you think? @walk_on_walls @Zah @EggplantEmoji @pollypower @HHH

    #109086
    Zah
    Participant

    @Kit phwoarrr, I dunno if I could stick around for that 5:1 ratio! I think I’m emotionally lazy, I would need like 98% positive to make it worth my time. I really think that still organising cute date nights, etc is important- you wanna make sure it’s still special rather than like… friends who watch netflix and boink each other. That A-Z idea is so neat! I reckon its very much a show, don’t tell kind of thing- you can say what you want to your partner, but if you stop putting in effort or doing the little things, they’re gonna feel it. Might be an unpopular opinion, but I hate that we’re expected to be texting our partner every day about nothing in particular- like, leave me alone! Drove me up the wall in my last relationship. Anyone else feel like this?

    #109087
    CloakOfAsh
    Participant

    Really cool idea on the A-Z. I agree though its all about balance, not just big gestures or fancy food.

    Also I think it’s important to note that relationships change – what you used to do might not be the same anymore. It’s important to change together and support one another. 

    #109088
    Kit
    Participant

    Nice phrase @Zah: ’emotionally lazy’. I think I have certainly been like that for quite a few relationships but I think when you find a good relationship you find the right note and, like @CloakOfAsh says, change together. Aw, it all sounds so lovely…

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