I had a one night stand with someone about two weeks ago who I really connected with emotionally, found extremely attractive and who was an absolutely lovely guy. The only thing is, we simply weren’t compatible in regards to intimacy (and it wasn’t due to the effect of alcohol as we were both sober). It just wasn’t a very exciting sexual experience for me. He did add me on Facebook but neither of us have spoken. I’m pretty reserved and don’t usually like to make the first move in regards to chatting after a hook up and anyway, it’s definitely too late to say anything now. But for future reference I would love to know what others think about having a good physical/emotional connection but not a good sexual one. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Would you see someone a second time if you liked them but didn’t particularly enjoy the sexual experience you had together?
Interesting thought @Purple, I’m not sure tbh. I do believe a good sexual connection is important but also sometimes people can have an off day? It might be a lot of pressure to have the whole success or failure riding off the one sexual experience. Sometimes it gets better with practice?
My current boyfriend and I started as a one night stand. The sex wasn’t amazing the first night, but we we were getting on really well and kept seeing each other and it got better. We were also in similar social circles though so we ended up just seeing more of each other by coincidence than having to plan anything. Not sure if that really helps at all but that’s my take on it, I suppose.
@Purple !! How exciting that you’ve met someone you’ve really connected with!! I am a big believer in sexual compatibility being something that can grow as a result of and often in response to- feelings. I think you should give it a chance. It sounds to me like it could only get a whole lot better once trust and friendship is established.
Hi @MintMilano and @EarthMama, thanks for your responses! I don’t know, I feel like I may have left it too late now to contact him, and I’m not sure if he’s interested anyway. I think I wrote it off after I wasn’t really feeling it sexually, but it’s good to know for future reference that I could try and give it a go a second time or see if it improves.
@Purple If you feel like you did have a good personal connection, it’s never really too late to reach out. might be a bit awkward, but if there was something going on there then they might be happy to hear from you?
Ah! Tricky! I have pretty low expectations when I have sex with someone for the first time and have found sex to continue to get better as relationships grow. I try not to be put off by bad sex if it’s the first time but i totally get that if it’s really shit its hard to try again! I feel like there’s no harm in sending hima lil message! If he doesn’t respond or he’s not down – onto the next! And if he does, it might be worth having another try 😉
I agree with what has been said! Of course if you don’t feel comfortable pursuing this person that is totally fine also- but it is never too late! 🙂
@Purple Did you end up re-connecting with this person? I’ve been in a similar situation where I’ve connected really well with a person but the sex was just……terrible honestly. Everything else was so so good though so I saw them a lot more despite how bad the sex was. Over time it got better because I think when you see someone more sexually, you learn what each other like more and kind of teach each other? It can be tricky though, deciding whether or not it’s worth the incompatible sex or not! 😆
Hi @tea in the end I decided not to, I just thought I’d leave it as a one night stand and move on. Funnily enough it’s my friend’s birthday in two weeks and I know they’ll be there, so it’ll be interesting to see what it’s like because it’s been about four months now since we hooked up. I’m back at uni now and dating is just too tricky when I have to study. I’d have time for one partner, but going on dates and meeting new people is easy to do during uni holidays because I have a lot of time – during uni not so much. Thanks for checking in 🙂
@purple How did the party and seeing them there go?? How’s dating for you been since uni break? Hope you’re managing things well !!
Hey @tea it was nice to see him and we had a lovely chat at the party but haven’t really communicated that much since, which I’m totally cool with. I haven’t been dating at all! It’s been lovely to have a break because at the time of this post I was feeling extremely jaded regarding love/dating. Just need a break for a while I think!
@purple That’s so good to hear! Yeah, breaks are super important! I think people forget to slow down and take care of themselves a lot of the time, especially in terms of relationships. When I wasn’t seeing anyone, everyone would always ask me if I had a partner or if I was seeing anyone etc, which put a lot of pressure on me to get into one, when I didn’t really need to?