is blue balls a thing?

[unsure]

my boyfriend always pulls the ‘i’ll get blue balls’ thing when im not keen on having full sex and i end up feeling guilty and we do it anyway, but my question is does that happen or is it just a guilt trip thing?
also this is sorta irrelavent to this but when my bf and i have sex he always just wants to do the same old thing and everything i suggest a new position or something he doesnt want to and says what we do is fine, anyone have any advice thanks im getting a little sick of missionary position hahaha 😐

[NickiPower]

Hey @unsure! Welcome to the Play Safe forums 🙂 

Our resident expert @Nurse_Nettie will be able to provide all of the deets about blue balls but I just to jump in to say that sex as much about you as it is your boyfriend, so you should only have sex when you want to (pressure-free consent), and your needs are also considered. 

Ah the good old trusty missionary position! I’ve been in a similar position (pun totally intended :wink:) but I found that mentioning that I saw/heard/read an awesome thing I wanted to try, and taking the reigns meant getting a little more adventurous between the sheets! 

This question is actually not really irrelevant to your first question because both come down to talking about sex with your boyfriend. Rather than feeling like sex is a chore or feeling guilty, and not getting any enjoyment out of it, you should talk about your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants (and you can totally say things like “I like it when you…”). By having this all out in the open, he’ll be aware of what turns you on and pay more attention to those signs (and we all can give some pretty clear ones!) of when it’s a good time for sex, and when it isn’t. 

Have you had open discussions with your boyfriend before? 

[Nurse_Nettie]

Hi @unsure & @NickiPower. Blue balls is a common myth and misconception. There’s very little medical references or evidence to suggest it’s a widespread problem. One case study reported a young guy feeling pain in the testes after intense repeated sexual arousal without ejaculation. The pain went away on it’s own within an hour. Possible causes may be a build up of blood in the pelvis during arousal which is slow to drain.   
This sounds different to your situation @unsure. Every person has different sexual appetites 🙂 . The key to healthy relationships is to negotiate this without guilt or shame. If you’re not ready for sex your boyfriend can always masturbate if he finds it a problem.  

[MsBlueStreak]

@unsure, I’m going to add to @NickiPower’s comments about spicing things up with the suggestion that maybe a trip to a sex shop for some low-impact toys (hand cuffs or silk hand ties) could be helpful.

Also, maybe when you’re in the mood, try initiating in an environment that isn’t the bedroom

I’m also a big fan of @Nurse_Nettie’s suggestion that masturbation is always an option if you have differing appetites. It can help relieve stress between the two of you… but only if you first have the conversation about it.

[Kit]

Hey @unsure, I’m so sorry this card has been pulled on you and it makes you feel guilty. No one should ever be made to feel guilty for choosing not to have sex. I don’t think that guys who pull this card are always being malicious either, I think some genuinely believe it is true because that’s what their mates have said or they heard it somewhere or whatever. So it might just take a little educating on your part to help your boyfriend understand there is really no legitimate concern and it’s perfectly ok if either of you are ever not in the mood for sex.

As for changing positions, I recall a partner who was similar but it wasn’t so much about being boring but rather what he felt comfortable managing, if that makes sense. He was quite young at the time and by using the ‘same old’ position each time he knew exactly how long before he would orgasm, etc. The idea of changing position introduced a level of uncertainty and in a roundabout way was trying to ensure maximum ‘pleasure’ for me by ensuring the duration of sex was as long as possible. How old is your partner? Is there a possibility this kind of thing could be playing a part in your relationship?

[NickiPower]

Hey @unsure, just checking in to see how things are going! Have you managed to chat with your boyfriend about expanding the position horizons? 🙂 

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