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Home Forums Sex & Relationships Is consent during sex really that important?

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  • #106564
    teatea
    Moderator

    Is consent during sex really that important?

    SO recently, I had sex with someone. And they were really amazing at having a ton of communication involving sex and consent! As well as, what we were and weren’t okay with and what kind of sexual health practices we preferred. Needless to say, I was shocked because I have never come across such clear and honest communication during sex before. (Which is unfortunate because it should really happen a lot more)! It was great because we established what contraception to use, when to use it and what to do afterwards.

    Consensual (adj); relating to or involving consent – ‘consensual sexual activity’

    I just really loved that they didn’t make it awkward at all! It sort of helped us connect in a way that we wouldn’t have without that discussion? I think a lot of the time people are afraid to have these talks with partners because it can be scary and potentially ruin the mood. But it doesn’t have to! These talks can create better bonds between people and it helps to know what’s up with a partner before being intimate.

    Do you have any positive pre-sex conversation stories? Do you talk about contraceptive methods with new partners before having sex? Is consent during sex really that important?

    #112579
    ekoorb9
    Keymaster

    Hey @tea this is really interesting and great to hear.

    I usually have very open conversations about contraception with partners that I am (or am about to become) monogamous with. Mainly around getting tested and the choice to stop using condoms after that. I also make sure they understand that I’m on the Implanon but that there is still a chance of pregnancy despite that. 

    In terms of consent around sex itself, it’s usually ‘in the moment’. I’m not much of a ‘one night stand’ person and usually wait quite a few dates before full sex. Because of this, it’s led to a few moments in bed where it’s like ‘Sooooo, I’m not going to sleep with you. But here’s what I’m up for’. 

    I find that being really open about boundaries is so important.

    But I have to say, it’s usually me that leads the way in the conversation!!

    It’d be great if everyone could be as open and honest as you both  🙂

    #122041
    teatea
    Moderator

    Conversations about anything sex-related with a partner is so so important! I’m glad you have open conversations with getting tested and using condoms @ekoorb9!

    Totally agree with the importance of being open to boundaries! Consent isn’t linear! It can be given and withdrawn at any time! So so important to remember.

    #122060
    EarthMamaEarthMama
    Moderator

    Totally agree with this @tea! I was taken by complete surprise last year, when someone I was about to have sex with explicitly asked me, ‘would you like to have sex?’. I thought it strange at first, but the total empowerment that flowed through me when I verbalised ‘YES!’ was very exciting. Would highly recommend!!

    #122172
    teatea
    Moderator

    Love that kind of communication @earthmama! I’m so glad it gave you so much empowerment! Sometimes being straight forward like that makes things a whole lot easier.

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