Making friends in your 20's

[sextronaut]

I’ve recently been through a life transition – moving from night-time hospitality work to the 9-5 life. I’ve also just crawled out from the end-of-semester bubble so I suddenly have way more free time.
But the thing is, I’m lonely as heck. Leaving hospitality was wonderful but it means I’ve left all my friends behind in a totally conflicting time schedule.
I’ve got a few people scattered around in different parts of my life that I can catch up with sporadically but I’m really craving that regular group catch up feeling.

How do people make friends as adults?!
Please help this alcohol-free lady out.

[GoldenRose]

Sorry to hear that you’re feeling lonely! It’s hard to make plans when your schedules conflict. Sometimes my friends and I will just do something low-key like watching a movie at one of our places instead of every time we catch up having to involve going out.

I kinds feel the same tbh! I don’t really have a big group of friends to begin with and two of my closest friends have moved away so I mostly hang out with on other friend and her housemate and their friends. I find it quite hard to connect with people and get really awkward/anxious around new people which doesn’t really help my desire to make more friends. I’m also kinda stuck on how to make friends as adults!

[Aunt_Flo]

I relish the low-key catch up @GoldenRose! I have a few friends that I’ll invite over, sit and watch a movie….and then leave the movie on pause because we’re too busy talking!

Since coming out of high school, hospo life and uni life (I’m now 25), I’ve found that group hangs are a lot less frequent. I’ve actually found a whole new girl group thanks to a mutual friend, but getting the whole gang together is nearly impossible.

I’ve made friends through starting a sport (pole dancing, and yoga), starting a new job (a girl from work and I double date, or get breakfast before work), and through mutual friends.

If you’re craving a group hang, is it possible for you to bring a few of your individual friends together for a movie night, games night or out for dinner, if you think they’d all get along?

[sextronaut]

Thanks for the support @goldenrose and @aunt_flo! I’ve managed to have a few individual catch ups in the last couple of weeks which has been super super nice. I’m also looking to find a new gym and start doing things semi-regularly so hopefully I’ll find some sort of group through that. Making friends is harder than dating, I find!

[PotPlant]

@sextronaut

I totally agree with this sentiment!

Honestly with the busy hub-bub hum-drum of modern life where we are constantly on the go, it can be so hard to make time for / put the energy into meeting new people or reconnecting with old ones. I’m really craving going out and meeting new people and just social activities in general but I can’t right now because of this pandemic!

Gahhhh. Perhaps 2021 will be the year to do it.

[EarthMama]

I totally relate with you @sextronaut. I think the 20’s can be an odd in-between time of life for group friendships, because most people are looking around, trying on new careers, moving to different places, some even settling into relationships and …babies?? I think it is so important to normalise the struggle and recognise that social media feeds us a lot of lies about how much group fun everyone else is having. I have no great suggestions expect to offer that the more hobbies and experiences you add to your life that reflect YOU, the more likeminded people you will encounter, even if it takes time.
Also remember your worth. Your people are looking for and needing you just as much as you are looking for and needing them.

[GoldenRose]

Well said @earthmama! I often find my self feeling down after going on social media and seeing everyone else out having fun with different people all the time. I think it’s important to remember that people only show what they want to on social media and to try and not compare ourselves to that.

Recently I’m finding that a lot of my old friends and I are going in different directions in life and we no longer have a lot in common which is quite hard as I feel as though I don’t have many close friends and it’s quite difficult to go out and make friends, especially at the moment.

[Aunt_Flo]

Sorry to hear that @GoldenRose! That’s always really difficult. I’ve had a few friendship fizzle because we had just become incompatible. It’s funny how significant change can be over time. But, I’ve also learned to look at it positively – while it’s sad to lose a friendship, it’s sort of comforting to know that I’m getting more secure in who I am and who I’m suited to. I know that doesn’t help much right now, but just thought I’d mention it just in case.

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