Hey Nurse Nettie!
I’ve been struggling lately with being able to get into the mood to have sex. I’ve also been struggling a lot with mental health issues and feel like this has affected my sex drive. I was wondering what advice you had on how I could bring my sex drive back?
Hi @tea, thanks for your question. It’s a really common issue & it can end up creating a bit of a negative feedback loop: you feel bad so can’t get into sex, your sex life isn’t great, so you feel bad.
What’s the solution to getting your sex drive back? From your question it sounds like you already know the source of the problem. My advice would be to address the mental health issues first. Give yourself a break on the sex front. Spend some time nurturing yourself as a whole being. If your mood is seriously low or just won’t budge, it may be time to call in some professional support. If you need a referral to a psychologist, a GP can help.
If you’ve already got that area covered, but are still struggling, I’d encourage more self care. Take the time to prioritise doing things you find pleasurable — or at least uplifting in some way if pleasure feels a bit out of reach. If you have a partner I can’t stress enough the importance of communication. Talk about what you’re going through. Talk about what feels good in terms of intimacy. Maybe cuddling & kissing is what you need without pressure for more.
Our sexuality is such a complex animal, there’s no one right solution. I wonder if other members of the mod squad or anyone else in the community can share what’s worked for them in the past?
Some solid advice @Nurse_Nettie! I’ve experienced similar issues in the past, @tea – I think the most important thing is to not put pressure on yourself or worry too much about your sex drive, because forcing yourself to be sexual in an attempt to get it back usually just ends up making you feel worse. I personally think that comes from those forced attempts being less satisfying then when you’re actually in the mood, so it kinda turns into a negative cycle where sex suddenly isn’t fun anymore 🙁
Unless its lack of sex that’s getting you down, definitely focus on your mental health in any other aspects that might be getting you down.
I can empathise @tea. I’ve had times where there is so much going on in my head that sex is the last thing I think about. Then when I try to force myself to ‘get in the mood’ it ends up making me more frustrated with myself. As @Nurse_Nettie and @MintMilano have already suggested, deal with what is going with yourself first. Look after yourself and your mental health and it will come back to you. I’ve learnt that you’ve got to be patient with yourself
Hi, @tea I have definitely been in that spot and it sucks! I found it hard because the more I worried about my sex drive the worse my mental health became. It took me a long time to come to terms with (not 100% there either) with the fact that mental health affects EVERYTHING and it’s the root that has to be treated as opposed to the symptoms if that makes sense. Also just have faith that it’s swings and roundabouts- you’ll be back ‘on form’ in no time :smiley:
@tea I was once told that when your mood is gone, be it from mental health issues or just a bad day, your sex drive is one of the first things to go with it. It happens to me and my partner a lot. I think by working on your mental health and focusing on that, your sex drive will come back in due time. 🙂
Hey @tea, thanks for asking about this, sorry you’re struggling at the moment, I hope you can take some comfort in these responses 🙂
I really like what @Nurse_Nettie said about self care and just kissing and cuddling. Just doing things that feel nice can be so nourishing – and sometimes a turn on too! Something I like for self care is baths and massages, these make me feel awesome and remind me of how nice my body can feel then sometimes I’m like..oh..let’s feel even nicer…. by coming. And even if I don’t get the sexy feel out of it, I’m still doing some nice self care.
Hey @tea, sorry you’re feeling like this. Just wanna let you know you’re not alone as everyone has already given you some great advice. ❤️
@tea I feel you !!! I have been super stressed the last few months and my sex drive disappeared.
I hope that the advice has helped you I will def be trying it
Thank you so much @Nurse_Nettie and everyone else, super helpful advice, I often forget to take things back to the basics (of just caring for yourself). I did some serious self-care (where I bought maybe too many lush products?) and had a good pamper session with my girlfriend where we talking through the stuff that was getting us down. My sex drive has been picking up little bit-by-bit each day so hopefully taking care of myself will bring back the sexy mood 100%.
Good to hear @tea. So glad that you can already see things improving. Good for you 🙂
@tea great to hear you’re feeling a bit better. It’s a slow road sometimes and often we have to go ‘back-to-basics’ :smiley:
Just wanted to give an update. I’ve recently started back on anti-depressants again and they have helped immensely. I was super worried that my sex drive would be non-existent if I went back on medication since that’s a common side effect but I got lucky this time and I’ve actually experienced the opposite. I mean depression kind of lowers your sex drive anyway. Keeping up with a good self-care routine has helped so SO much with my sex drive and overall mental well being. I’m so excited to get back into ‘it’. 😆 :heart: