I just finished watching Monogamy from the Explained series on Netflix and I found it so interesting. Pretty much they were saying that monogamy in itself mustn’t be a natural thing because we are the only (besides a species of worm apparently lol) species that actually practice it, and if it were natural we would be a lot better at it and there wouldn’t be as much cheating and divorce. There was one guy saying that he’d been in a healthy, happy non monogamous with his husband for twenty years and how someone said to him “I don’t know how you could do that, my three marriages were all monogamous” which I found interesting and obviously ironic. What does everyone think regarding this episode’s take on monogamy and monogamy in their lives (or the lives of others)?
Yeah I kind of agree with the point of monogamy not being natural for our species @purple. That said, it of course works for some people but the fact that we’ve normalised it to become the default standard of a relationship just seems,,,wrong? Considering there are so many cultural and social aspects to people’s lives which could influence a relationship type! I think if we were more accepting as a society of other relationship types, non-monogamy might stop being viewed in a negative aspect.
Yeah I have to agree with it too! But like you said it definitely works for some people, and if non-monogamy was not stigmatised so much that would be excellent.
@tea @purple I’m so here for this. The stigma around non-monogamy makes me so mad! I’m currently practicing monogamy with my partner, but recently when I said to a friend ‘oh I think this person’s (not my partner) hot’ they were like ‘but you have a boyfriend!!’ and got all defensive. My partner and I are very open about being attracted to other people, and understand that our ‘hot senses’ aren’t switched off just because we’re in a relationship. We just don’t act on the feelings, that’s when it crosses the line. We talk about it and usually end up agreeing that that person is indeed super hot, hahaha. But ugghh! Why do other people, outside of relationships feel the need to police monogamy? What if we weren’t monogamous and they were just assuming? I can’t even imagine what non-monogamous people must deal with on a daily basis, the stigma sucks. 🙁
There’s another good show on Netflix called ‘You, Me, Her’ which is a fictional show that explores a polyamorous relationship between two females and one male which I think is good as it challenges the social norm of a monogamous relationship between two people and de-stigmatises other types of relationships.
Late to the party but I LOVED this episode. That man who’s been happily non-monogamous for 20 years is Dan Savage, he has a great podcast where he takes listener questions and gives sex and relationship advice.
As a gay man, I think open relationships can sometimes be abused and taken advantage of when people just want an excuse to have a lot of sex. But I think respectful and well negotiated non-monogamy within relationships is so important and can be done really well. Personally, my partner and I have both acknowledged that we’re probably not going to be the only people that we have sex with for the rest of our lives, granted our relationship lasts that long. And then we had a slip up where someone strayed a little, but we chatted about it and were able to separate the sex that happened outside the relationship with the love that happened within the relationship. We don’t really have an iron clad agreement of what we can and can’t do, but there’s that understanding that people are people and sometimes we give in to those urges. As long as we’re honest and safe and respectful with each other, that’s what we find the most important.
@mintmilano you sum it up perfectly with ‘honest and safe and respectful’. I have had one non-monogamous relationship and it was pretty easy because we would just be honest with each other. I have heaps of gay friends that have open relationships and they just have some boundaries around it (i.e. don’t bring the other person into your shared home, use protection etc.) and it seems to work really well for them. Right now I am back doing the whole monogamy thing because it is my default mode but agree with @sextronaut that the stigma around non-monogamous relationships has to go. If you like monogamy great! If it doesn’t work for you that’s great too!