My First Sexual Encounter Was Online

[Kit]

So I recently read an article that got me thinking about sex and the digital age. Apart from the fact it covered a lot of things about sex ed and consent it also covered the very real topic of sexting and the fact that many young people now have their first sexual encounter online, whether that be behind a screen with people they know IRL or with anonymous strangers in who-knows-where.

I would say my first encounter was online with randoms, and though I can’t recall how old I was, I know I was young and didn’t necessarily know what to do, but it was a good way to explore one’s sexuality and learn about others’. So, this brings me to my question: what age was your first sexual encounter and did you have it online or off? Do you think one way is better than another? And what concerns do you think there are about sex in the digital age?

[NickiPower]

Such an interesting article! I think people are quick to always dismiss sexting, however it is a very real first-time sexual experience for a lot of kids (and also comes with the BIG issue of consent too). My first time was IRL so I’m not well versed in online sexual expression, but I definitely think it should be part of sex ed. 

[ElleBelle]

When I was 13 or 14, before there were social networks like Facebook or Myspace, I used to frequent chat rooms. Every now and then someone would ask me if I wanted to “cyber”. Sometimes I blocked them, but sometimes I was curious enough to play along and type out a sexual scenario. It never occured to me that the other person might be masturbating. I wasn’t, I was usually sitting in the library giggling my head off. 

[CloakOfAsh]

Yeah I remember in chat room days Cyber was a big thing. 

I think I did sexting probably before real sex.

[Kit]

Spot on @ElleBelle! I was being kind in saying learning about mine and others’ sexuality – it was really just reading with wide open eyes. “This is a thing? 😮 “

@NickiPower I agree that digital interaction should be part of sex ed, there certainly wasn’t the same number of online security talks when I was at school! But to me it all seems like the same conversation: it’s all still learning about sexuality, permission, and relationships.

So do you guys think most of your friends also had their first sexual expression online?

[NickiPower]

Yeah, I remember the term cyber @ElleBelle – that’s hilarious. But also do remember the channels that were dedicated to things like that so it was more if you were looking for cyber, you’d go in that dedicated chat channel. I think now it’s more that it’s all over the shop and you can get propositioned on FB messenger even if you aren’t looking for it! 

[Kit]

And WhatsApp, and Instagram, and Snapchat…

[mak_trouble891]

So what do you guys this about sexting? Do you think there is a place for it or too dangerous? Like with Snapchat and Instagram those pics are never truly gone  

[ElleBelle]

Before mobiles and sexting, people used to write raunchy letters to each other. People used to keep those too, I’ve read some from Mozart! I think it’s a choice every person needs to consider and make for themselves, providing they are above the age of consent and not being coerced. I don’t like that the onus (and ensuing judgement) is usually on young women.

[Kit]

Cheeky Mozart 😉

I agree about that judgement, but I think if digital communication (online or sexting) is how you want to begin exploring your sexuality then do it. Being forced into it or having it being forced on you, regardless of gender, is not cool. I guess you’re thinking about the privacy of sent photos though, right @mak_trouble891? Do you think there is a default expectation of pics if you are flirting online, or can you engage without worrying about privacy?

[NickiPower]

@kit I think now there’s probably an expectation of pics when chatting to someone online – hence the increase in catfishing. I think there’s a lot that needs to be taught about sending pics, consent and peer pressure – especially when you don’t know who is on the other side of the user name. 

[Kit]

Yeah, that’s a good point @NickiPower.

On a related note, there’s a thing coming up on ABC2 about sexting, followed by a Hack Live about Tinder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QJIDFJB9_8

Anyone else keen to watch? @mak_trouble891 @Aunt_Flo @EggplantEmoji @sc170 @walk_on_walls

[walk_on_walls]

Thanks for sharing @Kit

Online dating is barely a generation old, so it’s great to have these programs discussing the perks and pitfalls.

I thought it was interesting in the second trailer when she said sometimes she just wants to get a compliment, not actually meet anyone.

[mak_trouble891]

Definitely more a privacy thing @Kit. Like one can never be too sure what will happen to their pics or who is on the other side of the technology. But its just a little concerning… Don’t get me wrong that never stopped me, but it did worry me.

[Kit]

@walk_on_walls Oh goodness, yes, and there was a whole world of anxiety and mental wellbeing that came up in the show (and subsequent follow up interviews). She was obviously dealing with a lot of internal concerns but the online aspect seemed to help her reach out to others. A good thing for some, right?

@mak_trouble891 Yeah, you can be talking to or be anybody you want online…..  B)

[Author]

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