In a technology driven age, online dating has become the norm. There are so many different dating sites and apps around, but it can be hard to you know which one is right for you?
With online dating there seems to be different dating rules…
It can be hard at times to determine the motives of the people you are talking too, including expectations, personalities and age.
What has online dating been like for you? Is there anything you wish you knew before you started?
Sooo many things! When I first started online dating, I received a lot of attention very quickly – something I was not used to in real life. It felt so flattering I even responded to guys who sent sexually explicit messages straight off the bat. I’ve since realised that a lot of people treat dating apps like throwing spaghetti at a wall, sending messages to everyone they can find and seeing what sticks. I’m more discerning now and not afraid to tell people what I want. Usually they respect it. The ones who don’t get blocked immediately. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
In my experience, there’s a balance between underwriting and overwriting your profile. Too little and people aren’t sure if you’re worth messaging and too much is scary/TMI. Unless you have awesome pics, in which case you can let them do all the talking 🙂
I never know what to write on my profiles! Online dating can be pretty scary for me because you’re judged so much at face value which seems unfair – but I guess that’s what separates online dating from physical dating.
I’m actually terrible at dating profiles too! I think this video about dating profiles is amazing – I wish I found it when I was using dating apps!
Ooh what a cool video @sextronaut! I wish I saw that when I was using dating apps too – those things should come with instructions tbh haha
Thanks for the video @sextronaut!
You guys are so right about profiles. I found it super useful to actually have one of my bestfriends write my profile – she could do it without any of the insecurity I felt, and she obviously adores me (like all your best friends should, and you them!) and was able to ‘sell myself’ while remaining true to me ever better than I could. I had way more good dates with people I really enjoyed as a result of her doing my profile that I ever did with the profile I wrote for me.
I also always tried to put what I was looking for in my profile, so everyone knows what I’m looking for. I found once I did that I got less ‘spaghetti’ messages and more personal ones. Plus, being open about what I was after encouraged my dates to be open and honest about it to.
On the same friend’s advice, I also always tried to get off apps and to a date really quickly. It’s easy to spend forever chatting on apps, and people are different on apps to who they are in real life. Unless I KNEW I wanted to spend more time with them, I’d try and schedule a quick coffee date or a drink before I had to be somewhere else, and let them know I had to leave after. It let us get to know if we wanted to spend more time with each other quickly and not waste time chatting on apps. Plus, coffee and drink dates, even just for an hour, are a great way to meet people, learn about others, about yourself, and about what you want!
Oh, also, the best bit of advice I got was from this instagram blogger (bodyposipanda) which is to remember that these date’s aren’t you trying to impress your date…it’s your dates chance to impress you and your chance to know if you want to spend more time with them! Make like garnier and remember, you’re worth it :p
LOVE your summary @kitkat so spot on!
Some things I’ve learnt after 3.5 years on the apps:
I wish that I knew that you can change your profile to suit your mood and feel totally okay about it i.e. when I only wanted hook ups I would swipe a certain ‘type’ and be a lot more up front with my profile (At one stage my profile read ‘Swipe left if you’re not going to give me head’).
When I was ready for a relationship I put down that I was looking for a relationship and only swiped on people who specifically said they wanted one too.
It’s okay to jump between wanting a relationship and not knowing or anywhere in-between.
If they don’t respond back quickly they aren’t worth the effort.
If it’s ‘lets meet for drinks and see what happens’ it normally almost always ended with a hook up (which I’m totally fine with).
Be ruthless with the time-wasters, anyone who disrespects you (block and report as you need too) and you can unmatch anyone at any time, log off or delete and re-install the apps as many times as you want.
The same way that you feel elated, deflated or are just swiping for boredom or an ego boost – everyone can feel this too.
You get out of online dating what you put in.
Don’t ignore red flags.
It can be exhausting!
Once I decided I was just going to be single forever – I gave it one last go – I met the most perfect person. That was nearly 5 months ago, we are super in love and gross and planning our big bush wedding. Probs why I’ve been a little AWOL on here TBH 😉