So my friend had this kind of gross experience recently. She had sex with this guy on a first date. She left and was waiting for an Uber but he had left his window open and she could hear everything he was saying. She heard him high-fiving his roommate and going on in a lot of detail about how the sex was.
I thought it could be interesting to get a sense of how much do you share with your friends about your sex life. Because she felt really uneasy about her experience. I found this good list but what do you think? What do you share and keep private about your sex life with your friends?
I have a couple of best friends that I would tell pretty much everything to. Mostly if it was just casual partners who I didn’t expect to be seeing again, but even if it was someone I liked and was excited about how well it went, I’d always debrief to them and we’re all very comfortable with each other so we go into details. In relationships I probably skip over some of the details because I don’t want my friends to be stuck with all those images in their heads when they hang out with me and my boyfriend together. but I still tell them things. we’re all pretty open and sex positive about things like that so no one really minds, but I suppose there’s a right way and a wrong way to tell someone about a sexual experience you’ve had. from the sounds of it @peachy that retelling of your friend’s date to his roommate sounds a little derogatory, which is pretty awful.
Oh my gosh this article is so great “It’s a compliment to share that your partner has a great arse, but it’s weird to get into details about the colour of their anus and tightness of their rectum.”
I learnt so much from that, thanks so much for sharing it @peachy I have definitely been guilty of sharing too much and I think I have acted really disrespectful before, telling people too much that was not really mine to share and I think these are awesome guidelines. I think what it said about speaking really generally makes heaps of sense, and thinking “Would I be ok with my partner saying this about me?” And being careful about who we share stuff with is important too, I’ll tell certain friends some things but I know other friends think everything about sex is a joke so don’t share stuff with them anymore.
It sounds like that dude was being disrespectful, and I do think there is a gender element that plays into this issue as conversations like this are going to generally come off as more derogatory towards women than men, would you agree?
I tend to keep a lot private, even with really close friends because sometimes I can feel them judging. I have a select two or three that I can tell anything to without judgement, so that’s my main consideration. I also tend to think about what my partner would think if he heard me telling someone, like @HoneyPot.
I think I used to share a lot more then I do now. It feels kinda nice to just keep things between my partner and myself right now.
@Aunt_Flo @HoneyPot You’re both spot on – I think the “Would I be ok with my partner saying this about me?” rule is key! @HoneyPot also agree that gender plays a huge part. That hyper masculine bravado thing can be so toxic. But I also think it’s really easy for anyone to slip into oversharing when you’re with a group of friend talking about good or bad sex experiences. I know I’ve definitely been guilty of that.