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Home Forums Sex & Relationships The Big “O”hh wait you’re not quite there yet..

  • This topic has 14 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Zah.
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  • #106209
    The_Beep
    Participant

    So ladies! I stumbled across this interesting statistic that only 1/3 of us can orgasm during intercourse, and only 57% (approx) of us orgasm with our partner on a regular basis.
    Comparing that to men, who on average, orgasm 95% of the time during sex, and comparing it to porn/movies where the women orgasm like 100% of the time, it seems like there’s a big gap with expectation and reality!

    Seems like the myth that all women should be able to cum during sex is pretty wrong.

    Although its a touchy subject (haha) I think its important to chat about it cos I for one have definitely experienced the pressure of “why aren’t I getting there? Oh god am I not normal? I don’t want to make my partner feel bad, it just looks so easy in the movies!!” 

    What do you reckon?? Is it time to bust the Fem-O myth? 

    #108107
    Aunt_FloAunt_Flo
    Moderator

    I think part of the problem with the myth is that is suggests that women should be orgasming via sex. If we look at sex as an act with it’s sole function as to produce an orgasm, that’s a pretty narrow function! There’s a lot of problems with attitudes to female orgasms. I think some women might feel shy or uncomfortable in discussing what they like sexually, as well as feeling inadequate when they can’t orgasm via sex. But, like I said, sex can be pleasurable without orgasming! 

    #108108
    Lube_Man
    Participant

    I am all for the female ‘O’! Maybe us guys need to start thinking with our big heads more than our little ones about how we can make it better for female partners. Communication about what works/doesnt work, and what is enjoyable would help too! if we are having sex for more than procreation, then we all should work to equally enjoy it!

    #108109
    ElleBelle
    Participant

    *shakes fist at porn*

    #108110
    Kit
    Participant

    When you say sex I presume you mean vaginal penetration alone. I think that’s where the myth lies – that penetration and pumping is the sole source of pleasure. Communicating that clitoral stimulation is what will bring you to orgasm, if indeed that works for you, should help you and your partner to find a mutually O-some position! 😉

    #108111
    The_Beep
    Participant

    Totally agree w all your comments! Especially @ElleBelle – thank god real sex isn’t like 2 girls 1 cup! 
    And definitely communication is important! Not everyone can get there even w clitoral stimulation during sex so talking abt it is s great way to bring it out in the open and to let ppl know they aren’t alone 🙂

    #108112
    walk_on_walls
    Participant

    Hey, what a great topic to raise! I agree there is a big difference between sex in the media (tv, movies, porn) and the real thing. Not to say porn, etc doesn’t have its place, but important to recognise it is predominantly fictional.

    Guys experience a lot of pressure to hit the ‘O’ too. Maybe because 95% of the time they do orgasm (according to original poster’s stat), it can make that 5% of the time even tougher to deal with.

    In any case, I think it’s important to be kind to your partner if they’re feeling disappointed.

    #108113
    RoseHill
    Participant

    I was just thinking about this today actually!!! I’ve just started dating someone I really like and he seems determined to make it happen! But the only way I can really hit the bit O – by myself or with a partner is by like spreading my outer labia apart so that the clitoral hood is out of the way (haha sorry for the specifics  :D) and I’m worried that hes going to think its weird if my hands are down there while hes giving me oral sex.. like he might think hes not doing something right! Anyone else have a similar issue? Should I just explain it to him?

    #108114
    Big_Mama
    Participant

    @RoseHill totally not weird. I had a similar situation. My partner was totally fine with it when I told him. He even put his own little spin on my moves and it worked wonders for me. Just explain it to him, or even teach him how you want to be touched down there. It’ll free up your hands for even more fun!

    #108115
    NickiPower
    Participant

    I didn’t even realise there were two ways to get to orgasm; vaginal or clitorial until earlier this year. I hang my head in shame. 

    #108116
    mak_trouble891
    Participant

    I just want to revive this thread because its pretty relevant to me atm. So I know for women achieving an orgasm during intercourse can be difficult, but I have noticed that for about 12 months now, I have not been able to reach an orgasm. I am not sure if it is liked to the contraception I’m using (mirena) or other changes Just wondering if anyone else has experienced difficulties in obtaining an orgasm and what they did to overcome it.
    It is at the point now where it is impacting not only myself but my partner.

    #108117
    Aunt_FloAunt_Flo
    Moderator

    @mak_trouble891 I notice mine ebbs and flows. Not seeing my partner for a bit, exercising, and sleeping better are all things that improve my drive. 

    Otherwise, not thinking about it helps as difficult as it is. When orgasming isn’t the sole goal of sex, I find it’s easier to relax and orgasm or, at the least, thoroughly enjoy sex without reaching orgasm. I find it enjoying without climax as well as with. 

    If you think it could be your contraception, have you broached it with your doctor?

    #108118
    mak_trouble891
    Participant

    @Aunt_Flo thanks for the suggestions. I have tried to have the conversation with my gyno however I am in the process of finding another one as things didn’t work out. 
    I feel as though it could b my contraception just because of the timing. 

    #108119
    NickiPower
    Participant

    @mak_trouble891 When I was on contraception I wasn’t interested at all and it seemed to come back when I went off it, I’d definitely bring the conversation up with a medical professional. 

    #108120
    Zah
    Participant

    @mak_trouble891, definitely worth looking into contraception, it’s a pretty common side effect, as is with a bunch of other medications. Only other suggestion I can think of is maybe buying a new toy or something if you’re comfortable with it? It can be normal just to lose interest for a while, and something new might be a sort of circuit-breaker.

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