Hey @curiousss , great question.
I hear you about the little things like hairdryer and toilet scrubbing (ew indeed). What I’ve learned over the years is we all have these little intricacies that may not bother us, but bother our partner a lot! As an example… I often don’t do the buttons up on a quilt cover after making it, it doesn’t phase me… haha. So… Once my partner was just so amazed I didn’t do it, which lead to a fight about me being lazy, etc.
I was quite defensive over it, thinking; it honestly doesn’t matter, but I can see how he would see it as a simple task that could easily be completed.
What I’ve learned in the past through bad situations and good situations…
* Move into a place together. Don’t move into someone’s house, as it will always be “their house” to some degree, and can cause conflict about furniture, the way things are done, etc.
* Don’t move in with family (I’ve done it…). It’s not conducive to a healthy sex life and respecting boundaries.
* Try and have an honest conversation about what’s bothering you without getting too much into it.
I’ve been single for some time again now, and have just had a flat mate move in after living alone for some time. I can see myself biting my tongue over things; like light’s being left on, doors being opened while I’m trying to heat the house, cups left on counter right after I’ve washed up…. Little things.
What I say to myself is.. When you lived with your partner who wasn’t very nice, he would get angry at you about lights being left on, and it made you angry, so leave this. He is trying to be comfortable in his space, and I have things I might do that he might be angry at.
I don’t think there is in answer to it… It’s just trial and error when moving in.