What I wish I knew before having sex

[curiousss]

When I first started having sex I remember I was pretty confused by the whole thing and why everyone found it so enjoyable. I didn’t end up having orgasms and really enjoying sex for a long time afterwards.

If I could go back what I wish I knew before having sex was that female masturbation was normal and healthy! If I had maybe explored my own sexual pleasures by myself earlier I probably would of been able to communicate to my partners what I enjoyed and needed during sex to have orgasms.

Also I wish I knew about lube and that its a good idea to put condoms on sex toys when your sharing them!! haha!

What about you?

[GoldenRose]

This sounds like a lot of my girl friends when we share stories of when we first started having sex, one friend told me that she didn’t have an orgasm until she was 2 years into her relationship because she had not masturbated until then! That blew my mind as I guess I’m pretty lucky as I consider my first sexual experiences quite enjoyable and had some experience with masturbation before I was sexually active so I knew what worked for me and what didn’t!

I feel like masturbation, particularly when it comes to females, can still be quite a taboo topic and not a lot of people like to talk about it but as you said it’s so normal and healthy! It’s nice to get to know your own body and what you like.

[tea]

Definitely agree with female pleasure just straight up not being discussed when it comes to sex, so how are we suppose to know about it? I had similar experiences when I first became sexually active. It wasn’t comfortable and I didn’t feel good but I just assumed that was normal because I didn’t know otherwise.

I wish I knew that sex is supposed to be comfortable and that female pleasure and orgasm exists!!

[sextronaut]

I agree with all of you! I wish I knew about my clitoris – I thought that ‘fingering’ was just sticking fingers in and out of the vagina over and over, and when this wasn’t pleasurable for me I thought I was broken. I wish I’d known that a) you need some warming up before you get to that part or it won’t be pleasurable at all and b) the clitoris is where it’s at so most of my pleasure would be found right there anyway!

[EarthMama]

I second @sextronaut on that! I never understood why people enjoyed fingering… it just seemed so clinical and forced to me. How glorious it is to have all the information we have now!

[kitkat]

Re: fingering, something I discovered too late (sorry fem ex-partners) for anyone who is having sex with girls – trim those nails ?

But other stuff I wish I’d known?
– Meds can totally effect how easy it is to have sex, including your body’s ability to self-lubricate: lube is your friend!
– It definitely shouldn’t necessarily hurt the first time: see above ? ? ?

And most importantly: It’s okay to start when you and your partner are ready! For me, that was age 19, for some of my friends it was 23, for others it was 15. But the most important thing is you’re making an informed, non-pressured decision because it’s something you want, with someone you want to do it with, and you’re both being kind and safe and full of good info!

[Catdog]

I wish I knew that sex could be a casual thing. I had built up a definition of sex as this rigid special thing that you solely do with people you love. This idea definitely created a lot more pressure and expectation for what sex should be. I wish I had known it was much more of a fluid thing.

[kitkat]

@catdog that’s a really good point! I think that underlying thinking leads to some the the outdated views and stigmas floating around society about STIs and testing, and having multiple partners – that it’s some sacred, special thing. And I mean it’s different for everyone and that’s okay – but it certainly I don’t think should feel like it creates pressure, or rigid expectations – whatever you believe/practice it should feel natural and right for you!

[Author]

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