Has anyone ever had a friend that gets into a relationship and then promptly forgets about all their friends? One of my super close friends has recently started dating someone and just seems to be too busy for me these days. I haven’t confronted her about it yet because I really don’t want to come across as the single, needy friend that’s begging for some one-on-one time, and I would absolutely hate for her to schedule some time with me just to appease me or as a pity hang out when she would rather be with her significant other. I know it’s nothing that I’ve done, it’s just that she’s in the relationship bubble and it’s the honeymoon stage and everything. I just feel disheartened knowing that before her relationship we used to hang out 1-2 times a week and now I haven’t seen her for about five weeks.
Yesssss i think this is such a super common thing that happens @jessica ! Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck obviously though. I have had friends do this and have been guilty of it myself too! Do you like the new partner? Maybe you could hang out the three (or more) of you and talk to her about something cool you want to do just the two of you? I think sometimes new partners feel a bit nervous about meeting their partners friends and hanging with them, so maybe that could be a nice way to make sure they feel welcome, but also letting your friend know you still really want to hang out with them – with and without their new partner.
Yup, I’ve both had it happen to me and been guilty of doing it myself. New relationships are excited, it’s so easy just to throw yourself into one and forget the rest of the world exists! Once that initial “love bubble” settles down a bit, I find mates are usually ready to hang again.
Hey @HoneyPot I really love her partner, he’s one of my best friends (I got them together actually). I’m catching up with her next week which will be nice, so maybe it was just these initial four weeks. I’ll see how things go, thanks for all your advice friends!
@jessica I have a friend who is notorious for this in our circle. I suppose it’s easy to be swept up in the excitement. I am sure I have done it before too! Really sucks when you’re on the receiving end, hopefully, it comes back a bit for you!
I’m guilting of doing it, I think! It think for me it came with relaxation with my friends, because I had known them substantially longer and had hoped they would understand. But, after a little while, the balancing act is easier and I think things go back to normal.
I thought this was going to be a conversation about friends becoming more than friends… this I can relate to.
But this friends wandering off thing when they start a new relationship, I have nothing to add to. My friends are either in long-term relationships (or married) or so single it’s not funny. I think if one of us did wander off though there’d be plenty of understanding, because (although it sux), we all have so much crap going on anyway that leads to cancelled plans all the time.
Can I suggest finding a scheduled activity that you and your friend (and even the new other half) can participate in? A group of friends and I recently participated in a scavenger hunt together, which was the first time we were all in the same place this year.
Gahhh I feel like I’ve been really guilty of this lately!
All the things I used to do with my single friends (dancing, talking about tinder horror stories) don’t really match up with my life now (lots of brunch and Netflix!). So it makes finding things to do together hard. I’m also so time deprived right now with work/uni/relationship that I’ve found myself gravitating towards my friends who are in relationships and doing double dates with them.
I agree with @HoneyPot though! If my single friends welcomed my girlfriend in a bit more it would make catching up with them so much easier!
I think this is a really tricky topic both for those in new relationships and those friends left behind.
I can empathise more with feeling left behind and would suggest it is really important to begin that conversation with your friend. As hard as it can be, beginning a conversation by saying something like- ‘I really value our friendship and I’m feeling pretty abandoned right now…’ If your friend cares about you (which chances are -they do) they will probably be woken up by this and were most likely unaware they were even doing it. Perhaps then the two of you could make a plan as to how to avoid this so much in the future. Chances are, your friend in a relationship would also hate the thought of losing you, given most people need friends as well as romantic relationships.
Also- perhaps a little brutal- self-care comes first! If you have given your friend an opportunity to prioritise you a little more and they make no effort to change, don’t feel guilty about taking your friendship elsewhere. You deserve to be in relationships that value you as much as you value them. You deserve to get something back.
Easier to give advice than to take it :/ my bestie is in a long-distance relationship and at the moment I am vying for her attention over her phone…