When to tell someone you have an STI

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What stage in dating have you told your partners that you have an STI? Of course I would let anyone know before any kind of sexual activity, but as there is so much negativity around the topic it can be a bit of a mood killer. I personally want to be able to get to know someone and feel in a safe space before letting them know but at the same time fear that once they do know I will be rejected.

Do you think it’s something to share straight away so they can make their decision from the beginning? Or better to get to know the person and then if things lead towards a sexual relationship then tell them then? The fear is telling someone before they get the chance to know me and making a decision based on my positive status.

[PotPlant]

@yogigirl

I think a month into a relationship is a really good time. Thankfully, most STIs are highly treatable, so I think if you talk about having had an STI and you know the research behind it and can explain why its no longer a danger I think many partners would not mind.

However I think it depends on the STI. If you had chlamydia and you no longer have it I don’t think most partners would mind as its an incredibly common STI and very easily treated. However, if you are about to become sexual and have HIV and are taking anti-retroviral drugs so that you can’t pass it on to others I think its important for their safety for you to tell them. They might want to go on prep or use condoms to have sex with you to feel more safe.

What does everyone else think of this?

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Thanks for the thread @YogiGirl. I think it also depends on the type of relationship – you’d probably have a different approach for someone you were keen to keep things going with, and you wanted to start things off with openness, and trust 🙂

If it were only casual or a fling, it might be easier to make sure you make best efforts to reduce chances of transmission rather than having to raise the topic!

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Hey @trayl_blayza it seems like you have the same views as me. I’ve had a couple of one night stands where I definitely took the path of reducing risk with protection, but still felt so guilty about not letting them know.

Since then i’ve been seeing a guy. I told him before anything happened and he was totally cool about it! No judgement or hesitation. I also found some info on an old Playsafe thread that I sent him after we had slept together which he found super useful.

It’s been so confidence boosting to have positive reactions and given me realisation that it really isn’t a big deal!

[Author]

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