Where do all the quiet lesbians go…

[EarthMama]

Those of you who have watched Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette on Netflix (HIGHLY RECOMMEND) will understand this reference. My question is, when your sexuality is queer, but you don’t see yourself reflected in the media representations of queer youth and Mardi Gras, and none of the labels in the LGBTQIA+ spectrum seem to fit, where do you turn?

[sextronaut]

I loved Nanette so much!! But ugh I totally feel this. I’m bisexual, and while the ‘B’ is the largest segment of the LGBTQIA+ acronym (percentage of people-wise), it’s often completely wiped from anything mainstream. I’ve recently found a facebook group called ‘is this bi culture?’ that has made me feel like I belong, and has validated my life experiences through people simply just voicing their own. It’s been so great! So I recommend finding little corners of the the internet that feel like ‘home’ to you, there’s something for everyone.

[EarthMama]

yes yes yes! That group sounds awesome @sextronaut- thank you for sharing.
I too, identify as bisexual and yet I am constantly invalidating my own experience and telling myself I am not queer enough if my current lives experience does not match my label.
I guess it goes back to that great analogy of the fold out couch. Sometimes it’s a bed, sometimes it’s a couch, but when it’s a bed- that doesn’t mean it’s not still also a couch :).

[EarthMama]

yes yes yes! That group sounds awesome @sextronaut- thank you for sharing.
I too, identify as bisexual and yet I am constantly invalidating my own experience and telling myself I am not queer enough if my current lives experience does not match my label.
I guess it goes back to that great analogy of the fold out couch. Sometimes it’s a bed, sometimes it’s a couch, but when it’s a bed- that doesn’t mean it’s not still also a couch :).

[aphrodite9]

Ahh thank you so much @EarthMama and @Sextronaut for this thread! I’m bisexual too. When I was in a long-term het relationship up until recently, I often felt like my internal identity was being challenged or invalidated, because I didn’t see my experience reflected back in much of the dialogue amongst the sexuality-diverse community, and I didn’t have many outlets to express my queerness. I’ve actually never heard of that fold out couch analogy before but it’s so on point!

Would absolutely reiterate the recommendation for Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette! I agree with Sextronaut that online spaces where others share their experiences can provide a lot of solace. I was lucky to stumble upon some awesome queer meme groups on facebook where folk who are much more creative than I share some extremely relatable, comedic content, which I can enjoy without putting myself out there! Other times I’ve actively searched to track down spaces where I feel at home. For instance, personally I’ve found Bisexual.org and Biview.org to share some interesting articles and often tv shows or other cool cultural links that I wouldn’t otherwise have heard about. Also through a site called Meetup I once went along to a low-key get together of a small group of bifemme-identifying folk in my local area. They catch up on weekends for activities like picnics or coffee or queer cinema together. Using a platform like that might be something to try for anyone who is looking to meet like-minded folk, and it ended up not being as scary as I first thought it might be!

[tea]

@aphrodite9 I’m so glad you’ve found comfort in posts like this one! I’m bisexual too and yeah daily struggles with accepting my sexuality!

Absolutely loooove Nanette, though it got super heavy at the end! Had a good cry but wow so so powerful!

[aphrodite9]

I just came across a couple of articles related to this thread that people might be interested in so thought I’d share! They talk about representation/visibility, fitting in and having to prove queer identity.

Content Warning though for the second link which mentions sexual assault and suicide.

https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sexuality/agenda/article/2019/04/08/bisexual-people-are-asked-prove-their-bisexuality-daily-and-it-needs-stop

https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sexuality/mardigras/article/2019/03/01/why-bisexual-visibility-sydney-mardi-gras-so-important

[aphrodite9]

P.s. @tea you aren’t alone there, I cried many tears too! So deeply thankful to Hannah Gadsby for the bravery of sharing her story

[Author]

Posts