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Home Forums Sex & Relationships Who should pay for contraception

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  kitkat 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #120707

    jackh
    Participant

    Ok so here’s the deal…

    My gf is on the pill, she was on it a while back and now back on it again. She asked me to buy condoms but I was like um no because you’re on the pill anyway that is a waste of money and excessive. She said no because she wants the extra reassurance and why aren’t I funding anything towards not having a baby anyway?
    I was like well I’m not buying them and she said we’re not having sex until we have condoms as extra back up. I disagree I think not having condoms benefits us both anyway because sex is so much better without them and she is on the pill… I do my part by providing her with sexual pleasure, call me a jerk but that’s what I think.
    So then she said fine why don’t you pay for half of the pill then? Again, I might sound like an awful person but I don’t get why this is all her choice when if she does fall pregnant it will be both of our responsibility, so it’s not like I’m prepared to just impregnate her then do nothing, no what I’m saying.

    What do you think?

    #120709
    Aunt_Flo
    Aunt_Flo
    Moderator

    Hey @jackh I think deciding who pays for what, including contraception, is very much a personal decision between those involved.

    Personally, I pay for the pill, which is the only contraception I currently use. When I previously used condoms with my partner, we’d either take turns in purchasing them, or just buy a box each to leave at our houses so we wouldn’t be without.

    While the pill is an effective form of contraception, it’s not 100% effective – in fact in everyday use it’s 91% effective. Having extra protection from condoms can be really useful in preventing pregnancies, which may be why your girlfriend wants to use them. @nurse_nettie can tell you more about why using the two together is a great way to prevent pregnancy.

    Sex should be consensual and safe, and it sounds like your girlfriend would like to be a bit more safe. You’ve said that you think not using condoms benefits you both, but you’ve also indicated that she would really like to use them. Have you tried to have a calm conversation with her to discuss how you both feel?

    #120710
    Nurse_Nettie
    Nurse_Nettie
    Keymaster

    Hi @jackh, thanks for visiting the Forum again. There’s a lot to think about contraception & pregnancy for both partners….
    First of all is cost. Some oral contraceptive pills are listed on the Pharmaceutical Benefit Scheme which make them cheaper. Family Planning Clinics also offer cheaper access which is worth checking out too.
    The effectiveness of the pill is 91% as @aunt_flo posted. There are side effects which may make them hard to take. It’s common to miss or delay pills in everyday life. Some medications & medical conditions like vomiting & diarrhoea can reduce absorption. In these situations you may have to use condoms for 7 days or abstain from sex until full contraceptive protection is reached again. Longer Acting Reversible Contraception (LARCS) do have a better effectiveness of 99.9%.
    Relationships are constantly about compromising, communicating & developing trust. Good sex is about sharing intimacy & pleasure. Having peace of mind can make sex feel even better.

    #121665
    tea
    tea
    Moderator

    Hey @jackh how did you go with talking to your girlfriend? Did you have another chat after posting here? Would love to know how you’re going!

    Also, @nurse_nettie thank you so much for that information!! Really good to know where I can get cheaper contraception!

    #121871

    kitkat
    Moderator

    Heya @jackh, good question

    Like the others have said (@aunt_flo, Nurse Nettie and @tea), working out who pays for what contraceptive and sexual health wise is an important part of negotiation, and relationships are all about communication and negotiation!

    Personally, I understand why your GF wants to use condoms as well as the oral contraceptive pill. They’re not totally effective – only about 91%, and that 10% chance of getting pregnant seems pretty huge to me when you look at the costs and decisions you’ll have to face if that happens, which make the cost of a box of condoms seem pretty paltry!

    The pill isn’t perfect for girls either – like Nurse Netting said, there can be loads of side effects and issues taking them, which can be a bit of a bummer for your girlfriend.

    With regards to you doing your part by providing her with sexual pleasure, I’d kinda hope that she’s also doing the same for you? Like a relationship, sex should be a two way street with equal five and take, so hopefully you’re getting something out of it too! It seems like you guys are kinda on different pages with regards to what you each see as the pros and cons of them – like Flo said, another convo about it is probably going to help you both understand where the other is coming from and help you find some clarity.

    Did you ever get the chance to have another chat? How’s it all going now? 🙂

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