Talking about sex - how can you tell someone what you like in bed?
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The song is so right. If we’re having sex – we want to have amazing sex, whether it’s with a long-term partner or a casual fling.

Talking about sex, what you enjoy already, what you want to try and how you like to be touched can sometimes seem a little bit awkward, but with a bit of practice, it’ll feel natural – and even become a hot part of sex.

It’s also super important to let your partner know what you don’t like and to feel comfortable to say “no” when you’re not ok with something. Enthusiastic consent all the way. 

Tips for talking about sex 

The best way to get what you want in bed is to talk about it

  • Ask your partner if you’re touching them the way they like. “Does that feel good?” is checking that they’re loving it. It gives them the opportunity to speak up if they like things a different way and shows them a good example to ask you back
  • If you want your partner to touch you differently be clear and positive. “Babe, it would feel even better if you did that a bit softer/harder” or “it’s such a turn on when you use your fingers and tongue together”
  • Sometimes a demonstration can help. You can use your hand to guide theirs, or you and your partner can show each other how you like to touch yourselves. It’s super hot and super informative
  • Write it down. If there’s something you want to try, slipping your partner a note asking if they’d be into it means you can get your thoughts out clearly. Plus, who doesn’t love getting a sexy note?
  • When it comes to sex, positive non-verbal communication works well too – if something feels great, a satisfied “mmmmmm” will let your partner know that you like what they’re doing
  • It’s ok to say no. If you don’t like something you should always say so with words, so it is very clear that it makes you uncomfortable and that they should stop. “no”, “stop” and “that hurts” are important words for the bedroom

If you want to know more ring 1800 451 624 between 9:00am and 5:30pm Monday to Friday to talk with a sexual health nurse. It’s confidential and free if you call from a landline.