What can you do now for a healthy sex life?
The fun stuff
NSW Government
  • A
  • A

Do you want an amazing sex life; one that’s satisfying, exciting and safe? There’s more to it than simply trying the latest moves you’ve seen in porn. From open communication to safe experimentation, we take a look at how you can improve your sex life, now.

What is a healthy sex life?

A healthy sex life is about so much more than just how much sex you have, or how good it feels. A healthy sex life means:

  1. You can talk to your partner openly about your boundaries, likes, dislikes, and expectations – in and outside of the bedroom
  2. You practice safe sex – using condoms and getting regularly tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
  3. You feel confident and happy about your body – after all, having great sex isn’t easy if you’re worried about the size of your thighs
  4. You have the right amount of sex… for you. Remember, more sex doesn’t equal better sex
  5. You have fun. Sex should be enjoyable – if you’re laughing and smiling, you’re doing something right 

How can I improve my long-term sex life?

When it comes to having a great sex life for the long haul, there are a few golden rules to follow which will mean fantastic sex for years to come.

Stay safe

If you’re having vaginal, oral, or anal sex then you’re at risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Luckily, protecting yourself and others from STIs is simple. Use condoms every time you have sex and get an STI test regularly. 

We recommend every 6-12 months, if you change sexual partners, have any symptoms, or if you’ve had unprotected sex. If you experience a broken condom you’ll also need to get a test (sometimes even the best-laid plans can go wrong).

Following these simple safe sex practices can help keep you protected from most common STIs such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis and more.

Communicate

Whether you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship or dating multiple people, communication is key to great sex. Have open and honest conversations about your expectations and your boundaries, and listen carefully to your partner too.

For truly great sex, you should be comfortable enough to tell your partner what you like and don’t like, and vice versa. After all, no one can read minds, so telling (or showing) someone what you like is the only way they’ll learn.

Experiment

To enjoy sex, you need to know what works for you; what you enjoy and what you’re most comfortable with. Getting to know your body is a good start so that you can tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t. 

You can also experiment with a partner too; try new positions, moves and techniques and discuss what works and what doesn’t. Always make sure that you communicate clearly with each other if you are not comfortable or want to stop.

Take away the pressure

In today’s world, we’re bombarded with messages about sex. What’s right, what’s wrong, what’s normal. What’s not. Take away the pressure and simply enjoy being with your partner, Hang out, watch a movie, go for dinner, take a walk. If sex follows, great. But it shouldn’t be the end goal. The same goes when it comes to sex too – make it about the moment, not whether you both orgasm or not.

How can I improve my sex life tonight?

The best way to improve your sex life immediately is to make sure you’re prepared, physically and mentally.

  1. Always carry condoms so you’re ready for action. Having sex while worrying about STIs and unplanned pregnancies isn’t fun for anyone (find out where to buy condoms here).
  2. Pay attention to your sexual partner’s verbal and non-verbal cues – you’ll then be able to see what they like and don’t like. Make sure you express yours too.
  3. Always get informed consent – it’s not a yes unless it’s a “hell yes”. Also, if it doesn’t feel good, stop. You’re in control and it’s okay to change your mind at any time.

Is it OK to have sex every day?

Hell yeah it is. There’ is no right or wrong amount of times to have sex – do whatever feels right for you and your sexual partners. Whether that’s every day, multiple times a day, once a week, or never, there is no wrong answer. 

The only time you need to worry about if you’re having too much sex is if you start to feel any pain or discomfort. Sometimes lots of sex can lead to a dry vagina, or a sore penis, or anus, but a day or two’s rest usually sorts things out. You can also try lubrication to help make things easier and safer.

How often should couples have sex?

Once again… There’s no right or wrong answer here. However, if you’re concerned you and your partner aren’t having enough sex (or perhaps the opposite is true and you feel you’re having too much sex), here are a few things that can help:

    1. Have a chat. Mis-matched libidos can happen, due to so many factors, such as stress, tiredness, anxiety etc and the longer you’re in a relationship, the more likely it is that this will happen at some point. Have an open conversation about expectations, and remember, these are allowed to change. Once you understand each other’s desires it’ll be easier to find a middle ground that works for both of you.
    2. Change the focus. Sex isn’t just about penetration and orgasm. Oral sex, fingering, hand jobs, or simply kissing and being intimate are all sexual activities. There can sometimes be a lot of anxiety and expectations around penetrative sex, so changing the focus helps offer a new perspective.
    3. Stop comparing. Comparing yourselves to other couples (or perhaps even yourselves) isn’t healthy. Only you and your partner know how much sex is right for you.

Do you have questions about your sex life? Why not join the conversation on the Play Safe sex and relationship forum or ask Nurse Nettie a question. If you’d like to find out more about STI testing and STI treatment in Sydney and NSW, you’ll find all the information you need here

Could I have an STI?