Adding on Facebook

[Purple]

@MintMilano Idk I think if you knew them or met through mutual friends or whatever before you started dating then it’s okay. A lot of the time I meet people out and about or through a dating app so we usually don’t have many mutual connections or anything. I would rather just initially text for a while and after a month of seeing them or whatever when you both know it’s going somewhere then a Facebook add is acceptable. 

[MintMilano]

@Purple yeah that definitely makes sense. I guess people use different social media platforms in different ways so it depends on the individual. I guess my point is, if they’re the kind of person who likes to add newly met people on Facebook, is it really such a bad thing for them to ask? I mean at least they asked, instead of creepily looking you up later to add you. But then I get how it could be awkward to be like “No, I don’t want to add you on Facebook, but can we still keep chatting and texting?” so it’s definitely complicated. The internet is so good in some ways but makes things so much more difficult in others haha

[tea]

This stressed me out for a really long time actually, but now I find that (and even when I’ve made a new friend) I’ll just straight up ask for someone’s FB. The worst they can do is say no (which someone has said to me before, nailed it).

I think that a general rule for me date-wise though is adding after the second date unless you migrate over from a dating app, in which case I’ve added someone without meeting them yet but just for the convenience of talking more outside of an annoying app. I know @EarthMama brought up losing the magic of getting to know someone if you add them on social media too soon, but I find this works well in pre-meet situations because if it doesn’t go well, I can just delete someone’s profile. I can’t really change my phone number every time a relationship doesn’t go great. 😆

Idk, I feel like people have migrated to other platforms too? When I was using dating apps, people would put their Instagram profiles in their bio! It’s interesting to see the shift between social media platforms.

[peachy]

@tea oh wow that’s so interesting someone said no! If you don’t mind sharing, what did they say their reason was? Did you add each other later on?

Yeah the instagram on the tinder bio is an interesting one! I feel like instagram and even snapchat are way more telling of a person than their facebook. Like, a picture is worth a thousand words right? There’s more to gather about a person from an instagram pic than a quick status! And there’s usually way more geotagging of photos than on Facebook! 

[MintMilano]

I guess its also worth noting that not everyone uses these social media platforms in the same way. A lot of people just have Facebook to keep track of a friend list and to keep in touch with people, and don’t actually post or share too many intimate or personal details. so for those people adding someone is just a quick easy way to keep in touch. and even with things like Instagram, people can be selective with what they post/what they want to share, compared to their full life as an actual human being, with all the good, the bad, and the ugly. You can make some assumptions but just adding someone on Facebook or Instagram doesn’t mean you really know them. there’s still a lot to be left to the magic of getting to know someone in person, which is kind of essential if its going to turn into a romantic/physical relationship. 

[tea]

@MintMilano so so true!! I think a lot of people create this image of someone based off of their social media and then get disheartened when they don’t meet these expectations?

@peachy okay so they didn’t exactly say no but, so I asked this person for their FB and they said they didn’t have one anymore because they waste too much time on it. I was like okay fair enough, a few weeks go past and then I find out from another friend that they actually have a profile!! So idk, what do you think about that? Is it okay for them to lie about? Should I bring it up or leave it?

[EarthMama]

@tea That is such a good point about being able to delete a profile but not a phone number. I seriously never thought of it like that! As far as communication platforms go, it feels like handing out your mobile number is the least personal because it’s just a number, just texting- no pictures or friends etc. But in the age of disposable social media, it really seems as if the phone is becoming the most personal form.
Thoughts? 

[tea]

@EarthMama For me personally, giving out my phone number is 100% more personal than sharing social media, purely because I have control over who sees my content but not who can call me. So if I don’t like someone, I can’t just block them. But giving out my phone number makes me feel so much more vulnerable because someone could call me at any time and I could block the number but there’s a lot of ways around that more so than with social media. I’m more likely to give someone my FB over my number, even if it’s just a friend tbh!

[EarthMama]

Yes I’m totally with you there, @tea !

[Author]

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