Haven’t had sex for almost 6 Years. Help me out

[Mapho]

Hi!
So, as the title says, I ve basically not had sex for 6 years, except for 3 or 4 occasions, which did nothing but increase my thirst for it.
I am 26 and never had problems with ejaculating early.
In all of my old relationships, I would take my time to gather confidence and maybe ejaculate quick the first 2 or 3 times with a partner because of anxiety. After that, I used to have the opposite problem and last as long as I wanted.
Now I am with this new girl, and we are dating frequently.
And I happen to have high sensitivity on my penis when it comes to penetration.
So everytime we start penetration I really have a high desire to ejaculate.
I would take short breaks during the intercourse so that my ejaculation feeling cools down a little bit to then get back at it; and sometimes this lead to me getting used to the penetration and reaching the “control” Point from where I can control my orgasm.

I absolutely hate this feeling and this big need to ejaculate everytime.
It has never been a part of my sexuality and you can imagine how paranoid I am getting with this. And the more I think about it, the more it happens. The more it happens, the more I think of it.
I know I don’t have premature ejaculation cause I could reach those “control” Situations during some of our intercourses, and I have talked to my girl about this and she doesn’t even care, it’s all good, but still, I just wanted to hear from some of you for some assurance.

[Nurse_Nettie]

Hi @mapho, I’m glad you’ve reached out. You’re describing such a common experience. I get lots of messages from young people stressed out about ejaculating ‘too soon.’ In fact, I’ve written all about it here and here.

You might be surprised to know that the average time from penetration to ejaculation for most people is only a few minutes anyway. Porn and pop culture can give really unrealistic expectations about our bodies! As you get older the time to ejaculation will naturally slow down. When you haven’t had sex in a while or when you’re anxious, it can happen more quickly. There’s no shame in that.

If it happens again, experiment with other ways of pleasing your partner. That’s a great way to 1) build your skills and confidence as a sexual partner; and 2) prevent yourself from obsessing about the issue — which just makes everything worse. Remember, sex isn’t only about penetration. In fact, lots of women find it difficult to orgasm from penetrative sex alone, no matter how long you go for. It’s great that you’re communicating with your partner which is the best foundation for great sex.

[tea]

Thanks so much for sharing @mapho and like @nurse_nettie you’re totally not alone in this, it’s soo common for all types of people. This actually happened to me when I had my IUD removed because my hormones were balancing back out, so I had VERY increased sensitivity and would come super quickly when having sex. I think the most important thing is that you’re both comfortable and having fun! Also, there are other ways you can be intimate without intercourse, like other physical touch (cuddling) or even just spending time together.

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