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This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Aunt_Flo Aunt_Flo 9 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #120004
    MintMilano
    MintMilano
    Moderator

    So I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now. We have a great and healthy sex life, but a couple of weeks ago I started to realise something – we’re very quiet/non-verbal whenever we have sex. We’re usually good at communicating, and we rarely fight because we can raise issues and discuss them without getting upset. But I’ve started to notice there’s things I would like him to do that he isn’t necessarily doing. Previous partners have been able to get there more intuitively, but my current partner needs a little more guidance/direction. Sometimes he gets there, but other times he doesn’t – usually because I’m trying to give him more non-verbal cues instead of just spelling it out for him and telling him.

    Does anyone else encounter these issues? When too much talking in the bedroom feels a bit awkward. I’ve started being more vocal in telling him to do things but it feels a bit one sided because he doesn’t really do the same. So then I’m worried about being too pushy! It’s a vicious cycle haha just wondering if anyone else can relate, or have ideas for how to not be awkward about talking during sex.

    #120011
    tea
    tea
    Moderator

    I’m going to leave a little link to this thread @ekoorb9 started about ‘enthusiastic consent’ which you might find useful?

    I’ve personally always had issues communicating in the bedroom because I found it so embarrassing? But then I started seeing someone who showed me how important it is to verbally communicate in some circumstances because the point of sex really is pleasure, and if I’m not feeling good I should say something.]

    Maybe your partner is embarrassed to ask you what to do or like etc? Or maybe they’re embarrassed to tell you what they want? I guess the best thing to do to find out is to have a chat when you’re not having sexy time and go from there.

    Recently I’ve gotten better at talking about sex with my partner, in the bedroom and outside of. It’s made things a lot better because we know how to make each other feel good. Talking in the bedroom doesn’t need to feel like a chore, maybe try incorporating it as a form of foreplay?

    #120036

    champagnepapi
    Moderator

    I read somewhere that people are more likely to do things if they have positive feelings attached to them – so maybe if you were in the moment and he did something you liked you can be like “i love when you do that, don’t stop”. Once he knows that whatever he’s doing is working he’s gonna keep doing it. Just a bit of classical conditioning theory. 😉 haha.

    #120064
    Purple
    Purple
    Moderator

    Hey MintMilano, I totally get where you’re coming from regarding communication in the bedroom. Sometimes even if you’re been with someone for a while it’s difficult to say what it is you want them to do. That’s so awesome that you’re good at communicating too. You say that you’re giving him non verbal cues, do you think he would respond well if you were a bit more direct and spelled it out as you said? Because if his communication style is just being blunt and upfront and he’s okay with you being direct then I don’t see what’s wrong with telling him exactly what you want.

    #120072
    tea
    tea
    Moderator

    @champagnepapi ooh I love the whole positivity vibe!! 10/10 yessss

    @purple good point about communication styles!! I often forget not everyone has the same way of communicating,,,, I’ll try and keep this is mind in the future too!

    Does anyone have tips on what to say in the bedroom when you run out of things to say? Or have trouble thinking of something sexy to keep the mood going? I can only say ‘aahh that feels so good’ so many times haha

    #120115
    MintMilano
    MintMilano
    Moderator

    @tea I feel like talking and communication is important to a point, like saying whether something feels good or doesn’t feel good, or asking if they or you can do something specific, but other than that there’s not a whole real lot that has to be said? or like suggesting to switch positions or try something new, all pretty practical and useless things to talk about during sex. but unless you’re attempting to do dirty talk and get into some verbal role play or something, I feel like any other talking or conversation can wait til you’re done?

    #120123
    Aunt_Flo
    Aunt_Flo
    Moderator

    @champagnepapi I’ve read that too! It puts a sexy spin on the communication.

    @tea I used to be really into dirty talk and then sort of…stopped? I guess. Haha, I think I ran out of things to say as well. I notice I mainly just moan or use touch to indicate how I’m feeling, which seems to have the same effect tbh.

    I really only speak up if something doesn’t feel great or if I’d prefer to change positions.

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