So I’ve been having some sexual insecurities for a long time and I was wondering if I could get some advice from the ladies especially on here
So about me – I’m a 23-year-old virgin who has absolutely no sexual experience, had a girlfriend for a very long time but was long distance and we never did it. As a result, I’m really scared about whether or not a woman will actually want to sleep with me given my inexperience. I know that every woman worth my time is going to prioritise personality and a loving non-sexual relationship over just the sex, but equally, sex is a very important thing to a lot of women and men alike. People have needs and want, even just a need to connect with someone intimately, and my biggest fear for ages is I won’t be able to provide them that and they won’t be able to stay with me in favour of someone else better.
In terms of what I want from sex, I really want to have it but not just casually or with anyone, intimately with a woman I love and trust. Doesn’t mean we have to be married or even be dating for that long, just as long as it’s someone who truly loves and cares for me. I may be inexperienced but I do have a general idea of what I like, how I like to be touched etc as well as some things I’d like to try out, but I also know theory and practice are two very different things and it will take some getting used to. But I accept that totally, in fact, I’m really eager to learn from my partner and would even love her to teach me a few things if she is more experienced. I want to make her feel good more than anything, that’s where half of the pleasure from me comes from, if she tells me she doesn’t like what I’m doing and prefers it better, I won’t be offended at all, in fact, I’ll be so grateful she’s helped me. I even much prefer the idea of giving oral sex to receiving it personally for that exact reason – the idea of making her feel as good at that is incredible to me, I can’t wait to try eating pussy XD. As I said, it is all about her pleasure just as much as mine, if not more
More than anything I’m enthusiastic. I love sex, I love how it makes me feel, I love the idea of using it to feel good with my partner, to make them feel good and to connect and learn more about each other. It’s just a very scary prospect to me and I would like to take it slow and gentle at first, at least until I can start to figure things out and improve my confidence
What do you think? Do you think I’d make for a good person for someone to have sex with, and why/why not? I’m open to all feedback and just really want to improve myself as best I can. Thank you all <3
Hi @electric memes thanks so much for sharing.
My experience was having sex for the first time in a loving relationship with someone I had been with for years. We’d also been apart and done long distance. He was around the same age as you and although some people thought this was older, it didn’t bother us as we knew we’d waited for it to be special and meaningful for us.
This person remains one of my closest and dearest friends after our physical relationship ended. A big part of our bond is this foundation of friendship and open communication.
Your post is very thoughtful… I think it’s great so be wondering about pleasing the other person, this means you’ll for sure be a good person to have sex with in my opinion. But my opinion doesn’t really matter – so long as you and your partner are happy and communicate about this.
I also think none of us are “great” at sex the first time…it’s not porn. My experience has been it’s something that evolves organically with yourself and your partner as your explore what you each like and this can also change depending on the different relationships and dynamics.
Hi @electric-memes and thanks for your honesty in sharing your thoughts about what you desire intimately & sexually.
You would make a good person for someone to have sex with because…
1. It sounds like you know what you like & dont like and are willing to talk about that.
2. You’re planning to take your time to get to know someone & develop trust.
3. You’re open to learn & negotiate this with a partner in order to mutually share pleasure together.
So that’s 3 golden rules that you’ve mastered…& that’s a great starting point for a sexually healthy relationship 🙂
What defines a “good sexual partner”?
There will be lots of different answers to that question based on many factors. Ultimately though, a “good partner” is a holistic approach to being the best you can be for your partner. Being the support they need, the best friend, the companion, the shoulder to cry on, the boost they need to challenge themselves, and yes partly the sexual connectivity they need to feel secure in love and themselves. To this end, being a partner who puts your partner first is the key. You will get more in return when you give, rather than waiting to receive. As soon as you start thinking “whats in it for me?” thats when you have lost your way.
Been a long time since I looked at this post. Thank you all for the kind responses, it’s reassuring to know with people from experience that I’m really not so abnormal and that it’s possible for me to have a loving sexual relationship with someone. I hope it comes sooner rather than later but I shouldn’t view it like a contest either. I have to have faith in myself before a girl has faith in me to care for her
Hi @electricmemes ,
Hope you are well. From your post, you sound like a considerate and thoughtful person, and at 23, already understand the importance of connection beyond just the act itself. This is really important and sets you in good stead for a successful intimate relationship. It is an old cliche, but a goody – Communication is the key.
I have found that talking about likes and dislikes, while being honest and considerate of the other person, strengthens the relationship and extends the intimacy. I hope that you find someone who appreciates and understands you. Sounds like you are in a good place, mentally, to take this next step in your life – The world needs more considerate and thoughtful people, especially when it comes to sex.