Hi @mapho, I’m glad you’ve reached out. You’re describing such a common experience. I get lots of messages from young people stressed out about ejaculating ‘too soon.’ In fact, I’ve written all about it here and here.
You might be surprised to know that the average time from penetration to ejaculation for most people is only a few minutes anyway. Porn and pop culture can give really unrealistic expectations about our bodies! As you get older the time to ejaculation will naturally slow down. When you haven’t had sex in a while or when you’re anxious, it can happen more quickly. There’s no shame in that.
If it happens again, experiment with other ways of pleasing your partner. That’s a great way to 1) build your skills and confidence as a sexual partner; and 2) prevent yourself from obsessing about the issue — which just makes everything worse. Remember, sex isn’t only about penetration. In fact, lots of women find it difficult to orgasm from penetrative sex alone, no matter how long you go for. It’s great that you’re communicating with your partner which is the best foundation for great sex.
Hi!
So, as the title says, I ve basically not had sex for 6 years, except for 3 or 4 occasions, which did nothing but increase my thirst for it.
I am 26 and never had problems with ejaculating early.
In all of my old relationships, I would take my time to gather confidence and maybe ejaculate quick the first 2 or 3 times with a partner because of anxiety. After that, I used to have the opposite problem and last as long as I wanted.
Now I am with this new girl, and we are dating frequently.
And I happen to have high sensitivity on my penis when it comes to penetration.
So everytime we start penetration I really have a high desire to ejaculate.
I would take short breaks during the intercourse so that my ejaculation feeling cools down a little bit to then get back at it; and sometimes this lead to me getting used to the penetration and reaching the “control” Point from where I can control my orgasm.
I absolutely hate this feeling and this big need to ejaculate everytime.
It has never been a part of my sexuality and you can imagine how paranoid I am getting with this. And the more I think about it, the more it happens. The more it happens, the more I think of it.
I know I don’t have premature ejaculation cause I could reach those “control” Situations during some of our intercourses, and I have talked to my girl about this and she doesn’t even care, it’s all good, but still, I just wanted to hear from some of you for some assurance.
A general problem that comes with erectile Dysfunction faced by older men is premature ejaculation. This ejaculation issue might be also being viewed while an implication of impotence.
There is no set time for how long a man should “last” during sex. But when a man has an orgasm before he wants to, he loses his erection and can’t continue with intercourse. Premature ejaculation can be frustrating and embarrassing. You may feel you don’t have enough time to enjoy sex. You may have difficulty satisfying your partner. For some men, embarrassment about premature ejaculation can cause problems with intimacy and damage their relationships.
Premature ejaculation is a common problem among men. About 30% to 40% of men have this problem at some time in their lives.
Premature ejaculation (PE) is when ejaculation happens sooner than a man or his partner would like during sex. Occasional PE is also known as rapid ejaculation, premature climax or early ejaculation. PE might not be a cause for worry. It can be frustrating if it makes sex less enjoyable and impacts relationships. A huge number of guys the worlds over have incredible help from this male sexual dysfunction treatment.
@purple premature ejaculation (PE) is really about an individual’s sense of control over ejaculation rather than an minimum amount of time before ejaculation. People can naturally have different levels of sensitivity to stimulation. In other words, some people will cum quickly & some people will take longer. Age can also be a factor: people in their teens & twenties with raging hormones & limited experience are more likely to ejaculate quickly. Often with time, practice, & more confidence in relationships, this will change. Other common factors are: levels of excitment, amount of foreplay, levels of anxiety, & length of time since last ejaculation. @ekoorb9 posted a great list of strategies for building greater control of ejaculation. A sex therapist can also be helpful.
All that said, PE is really only a problem when someone wants to last longer & feels they can’t. It’s possible that the your friend’s partner is sexually satisfied ejaculating after 30 seconds. If your friend is not satisified, then the conversation really needs to be about expressing her needs & being creative about how those might be met (rather than only focusing on fixing a problem he has). Hopefully that’s helpful! 🙂
We’re actually working on creating some content around this issue at the moment, so good timing! Here are a few tips I’ve picked up on my research:
- Masturbate more – and listen to the signals the body gives when you’re about to come
- During sex, listen to those signals you’ve learnt and slow it down when you feel them
- If you come too quickly the first time, go again! (I love this one haha)
- Be patient – it’s usually a mental thing as much as a physical so you have to take time and be patient with yourself
- Condoms can help make people last longer
Hope that helps! It’s definitely a tricky one to bring up in conversation. But she can hopefully frame it in a way that doesn’t put too much pressure on him.
Maybe something like:
“I love having sex with you/you turn me on so much, and I’d love it if we could make it last a little longer. I was wondering if you’d be up for trying X/Y/Z. What do you think?”
A female friend of mine has recently started dating a man (both of which are cisgender). It’s been about a month but they’ve been intimate ten or so times. Recently we went out for drinks and she told me that he ejaculates about 10-30 seconds into sex. He’s in his late 20s. She said she’s tried slowing it down, has had him go down on her for ages etc, but as soon as sex is involved he can’t maintain his erection for long. He also doesn’t seem to be mentioning it, which I can completely understand because it’s a touchy and sometimes embarrassing situation to be in. Neither of them have addressed it properly/directly.
I’ve had a similar situation where a partner of mine couldn’t get an erection, but have never been with someone who had PE so I don’t have much advice for her. What is the best way to bring up to your partner that you’d like them to last longer in bed without hurting their feelings or making them feel embarrassed or uncomfortable? Is this a psychological or biological thing? (Perhaps @Nurse_Nettie can answer that one more in depth). I know there’s a few exercises you can do like masturbating and stopping right before you ejaculate but again, obviously a very difficult thing to bring up with a new partner.
