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Home Forums Sex & Relationships Dating on ‘the apps’

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  • #106520
    EarthMamaEarthMama
    Moderator

    What dating apps have y’all tried and liked!? What have you enjoyed about different ones? Or do you simply despise them? I tried Tinder for about a week and I just couldn’t get comfortable with it. I am trying Bumble now and considering deleting that one too…thoughts?

    #112199
    PurplePurple
    Moderator

    I use Tinder, I don’t like Bumble because you have to connect it with Facebook and I’ve had some people who thought it was appropriate to add me based on our mutual friends before we’d even met, haha. Dating is really hard and I can’t stand apps to be honest, I’ve used them on and off since I was 19 and have never really found a long lasting connection. I keep using them though because all my friends have partners they met off Tinder so I’m hopeful. 

    #112200
    MintMilanoMintMilano
    Moderator

    I’d not had much luck with Tinder. The whole swiping aspect makes it feel like a bit of a game, tbh. Even I’m guilty of sitting there swiping away until I get a match. It’s almost like gambling – you get a bit of a thrill but then you just want to keep swiping. At one point I had over 100 matches, yet actual number of conversations was about 5 or 6. Only ever met one guy off it and he ghosted after 3 dates. 

    Gay guys have a LOT more apps to choose from, but ask anyone and they will tell you they’re less “dating apps” and more “hook up apps”. But that might be the same with Tinder for some straight people? Some of the gay apps are so sexually charged that when gay people use ones like Tinder it’s actually a little more focused on dating. Or, of course, mindless swiping. 

    #112201
    EarthMamaEarthMama
    Moderator

    @Purple yeah the link to fb thing bothers me too! Although I haven’t had any real trouble with it. Good for you that you’re keeping at it! I know how tough it can be 🙂

    #112202
    EarthMamaEarthMama
    Moderator

    @MintMilano that’s so true! I found Tinder to have a real ‘hook up’ app feel, which I didn’t love. Although lots of my friends have also met partners off it, so very nuanced. I am currently trying out Bumble- which has that whole ‘only females can initiate conversation’ thing. At first I was worried it would just feel super sexist, but funnily enough it actually seems to be a gentler app on the emotions, as you don’t get any unwanted messages. So we will see…

    #112203
    peachy
    Participant

    @EarthMama I can’t stand tinder haha!! The whole swiping thing makes me feel so uneasy once I start to realise I’m mindlessly swiping and it’s purely based on their appearance. I’ve used OkCupid before and that’s good if you really want to get to know a person before you meet them, because you have to answer all these personality questions and you get a compatibility score with every user. I’ve found OkCupid users are way more keen for a longterm relationship and it’s also way more queer friendly than tinder. “Her” is really good if you’re a queer woman too! 

    #112204
    peachy
    Participant

    @EarthMama let us know how bumble goes! I’ve never used it so I’m super curious! 

    #112205
    stephaniaaaahstephaniaaaah
    Keymaster

    Welcome to the dating app world @EarthMama ! It’s a jungle out there

    Pretty much everything said here I’m all like ‘amen’! Tinder is more of less a hook-up app, but I have had some pretty great experiences and have two great new friends that I met through there! I used Bumble for a week but decided that one app was enough!  I think that my gay friends have more choice, i.e. they know if they are going to hook up (grindr) or are a bit more serious (i.e. tinder or other sites).  I have never tried to use okcupid or plenty of fish, e-harmony etc.  Those sites strike me as something you would use when you know you definitely want a long-term relationship @peachy or are a bit older! 

    To ‘manage’ my matches I have a rule that I  message first (unless they beat me to it) and that I will ALWAYS respond to messages (even if it is to shut a complete moron down).  This makes me feel more in control of Tinder, and I just simply remind myself that if someone doesn’t want to talk it’s them and I have made the effort to meet new people / have new experiences.  

    I would agree @MintMilano it’s a buzz and we get addicted to the whole swiping / got a match!! VICE have a good article

    Interesting too all of the new terms that have come out (slow-fade, benching).  Also super interesting how the Tinder algorithm works!!

    I’ve just met someone pretty special on Tinder though, we’ve been dating just over a month, but it’s been the nicest and easiest thing ever (I’ll keep you posted 🙂 )  There are lots of awesome people out there using dating apps, just be patient, don’t take it too seriously and perhaps create some boundaries around how you want to make dating apps work for you! 

    Good luck  <3

    #112206
    EarthMamaEarthMama
    Moderator

    That’s some good advice @stephaniaaaah !! And I am so glad you’ve met someone special <3 yes, please do keep us posted! 

    @peachy Bumble has been okay. I feel like I am probably not the best person to ask as I am very inconsistent on it and still feel like I am just stepping in one pinky toe at a time. I had arranged to meet this guy I really enjoyed talking to, and then he delayed it for family reasons and it has sort of faded out. I’m not really sure if I will keep trying- it’s gotta be two-sided! 

    Overall though, I have enjoyed it more than Tinder- like @stephaniaaaah said about feeling in control- Bumble only allows women to message first, so that element definitely helps as it seems like it deters the creepers. I’m still not sold…I really would just love somebody to walk into work and sweep me off my feet 😉 you never know!

    #112207
    peachy
    Participant

    @EarthMama I know!! I wish people asked each other out in person! 

    #112208
    EarthMamaEarthMama
    Moderator

    Oh @peachy wouldn’t that be the dream? We’ve got to find a way to get people to look up from their phones  😀 😀
    Isn’t it ironic that apps are invented in an attempt to improve/create connection and it seems to impeding it instead! Well, that’s how it feels to me. 

    #112209
    PurplePurple
    Moderator

    @EarthMama @peachy I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I would love to have the confidence to go up to people and just introduce myself and say hi. At the same time, people have approached me in public/on public transport etc and I’ve felt really uncomfortable even though they were nice. I was just caught off guard and surprised – wouldn’t want anyone else to feel that way. 

    #112210
    CookieMonster
    Participant

    When I broke up with my ex my bestie put me straight on tinder to distract me/ get my confidence back…. never thought I’d actually meet someone from the app cause I thought it was ridiculous and well I used it for hook ups mostly…. well 7 months later and we are now moving in together hahahaha #tindersuccessstory 

    #112211
    HoneyPot
    Moderator

    My brother and his girlfriend celebrated their two year anniversary yesterday – another #tindersuccessstory!
    One of my best friends decided her new years resolution was to not use apps and my other bestie (the three of us are high school friends) is smashing her way through tinder and it’s so great.

    #112212
    mak_trouble891
    Participant

    <3 I met my partner of nearly 3 years on the app OkCupid

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