Does anyone else find it hard to reach orgasm when having sex with a casual partner or someone they don’t know that well yet?
It takes me a while to warm up to people and feel comfortable around them and I guess the same goes for sexual partners and I guess I have certain fears or insecurities around being really intimate with someone… like what if I make a really weird face? What if I sound really weird?
I know these are all just little things that are probably all just in my head and my sexual partner probably isn’t even thinking these things but does anyone have any tips when it comes to this? Is there anything you do or say to make you or your partner feel more comfortable?
Yes and yes for me
I am always worried about farting during sex as I have some IBS so if I am really bloated I just feel gross and that can put me off too. I also worry about ‘getting wet’
I think that some deep belly breathing helps relax me just before hand and I also sneak into the bathroom before I know we are going to get naked and apply a little lube so I have one less stress about that. If I knew I was seeing my casual partner later in the evening I would try to avoid foods that made me bloaty etc so just stress minimisation.
The old talking about what turns you on helps as well so saying things like ‘it feels really good when you do this and then this’. Also if you can (I can’t cos I am super awkward) be honest and say ‘ hey I really want to cum but I find it difficult because I don’t know you super well and maybe we can talk about some things to relax me / get me in the mood’
Thanks for sharing @stephaniaaaah! Those are some good tips! I’m a super awkward person too so I know how difficult it can be to open and honest when it comes to these things. Sometimes I’m worries they are going to think there’s something wrong with me/my vagina if I can’t come.
My friend actually gave me a really good tip the other day, she says sometimes when she finds it hard to cum she just pictures a really good porno that she has seen.
here’s too being super awkward haha @goldenrose
Yes, I think it’s awesome that the conversation about women’s pleasure is so out in the open now but I kind of feel like I’m not goddess enough if I can’t get there (pressure much?!). I think it’s so important to accept that every sexual experience is different and having an orgasm isn’t a mark of success, but I will beat myself up sometimes (in a steady relationship now) because my partner will be sad if I don’t cum. SIGH.
Ok, that’s a great tip thank you to your friend! Will remember that one
Your definately not alone in this feeling, the same goes for me being on the guy side of it.
I sometimes find it difficult to get a proper erection in these situations and feel alot of pressure on myself thinking they will think im not turned on by them even though I certainly am and it would be so helpful if we just got to know each other a bit so I can feel relaxed enough to be able to do what I ķnow im physically capable of doing so that we both have fun like we should be doing while having sex.
It seems to me that it would benefit both sides to have an open and relaxed talk with each other and dont put expectations on ourselves, but rather just enjoy the moment no matter what happens.
Hope this is a helpful point of view for you 😋
I agree with @mickymee, you’re definitely not alone in this.
I always used to have a super hard time reaching orgasm with sexual partners. However, I think its not the end of the world if you can’t come. There shouldn’t be any shame attached to it. Like, sometimes your just not in the mood to come or its not important.
These are some absolutely fantastic suggestions and I’ll have to try them out next time I have casual sex
I feel exactly the same @goldenrose! There is so much pressure on having an orgasm and when you are with someone you don’t know that well it’s hard to feel that connection and for them to know your preferences. I also find that I get in my head way too much and have an internal dialogue of telling myself I must organis and why is it taking so long, which usually just makes it worse! Best advice would be to relax 🙂