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  • #123278
    GoldenRoseGoldenRose
    Moderator

    Does anyone else find it hard to reach orgasm when having sex with a casual partner or someone they don’t know that well yet?

    It takes me a while to warm up to people and feel comfortable around them and I guess the same goes for sexual partners and I guess I have certain fears or insecurities around being really intimate with someone… like what if I make a really weird face? What if I sound really weird?

    I know these are all just little things that are probably all just in my head and my sexual partner probably isn’t even thinking these things but does anyone have any tips when it comes to this? Is there anything you do or say to make you or your partner feel more comfortable?

    #123642
    stephaniaaaahstephaniaaaah
    Keymaster

    Yes and yes for me

    I am always worried about farting during sex as I have some IBS so if I am really bloated I just feel gross and that can put me off too. I also worry about ‘getting wet’

    I think that some deep belly breathing helps relax me just before hand and I also sneak into the bathroom before I know we are going to get naked and apply a little lube so I have one less stress about that. If I knew I was seeing my casual partner later in the evening I would try to avoid foods that made me bloaty etc so just stress minimisation.

    The old talking about what turns you on helps as well so saying things like ‘it feels really good when you do this and then this’. Also if you can (I can’t cos I am super awkward) be honest and say ‘ hey I really want to cum but I find it difficult because I don’t know you super well and maybe we can talk about some things to relax me / get me in the mood’

    #123699
    GoldenRoseGoldenRose
    Moderator

    Thanks for sharing @stephaniaaaah! Those are some good tips! I’m a super awkward person too so I know how difficult it can be to open and honest when it comes to these things. Sometimes I’m worries they are going to think there’s something wrong with me/my vagina if I can’t come.

    My friend actually gave me a really good tip the other day, she says sometimes when she finds it hard to cum she just pictures a really good porno that she has seen.

    #123703
    stephaniaaaahstephaniaaaah
    Keymaster

    here’s too being super awkward haha @goldenrose

    Yes, I think it’s awesome that the conversation about women’s pleasure is so out in the open now but I kind of feel like I’m not goddess enough if I can’t get there (pressure much?!). I think it’s so important to accept that every sexual experience is different and having an orgasm isn’t a mark of success, but I will beat myself up sometimes (in a steady relationship now) because my partner will be sad if I don’t cum. SIGH.

    Ok, that’s a great tip thank you to your friend! Will remember that one

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