Long-term relationship sex life

[veryelle]

@HoneyPot it’s so upsetting being rejected! I’m not usually the one to initiate in my relationship but I do on occasion and there was once or twice when my partner said no and I felt so bad! I also reflected on how my partner must feel when I say I’m not in the mood. Because when I was turned down, it was such a blow to my self-esteem 🙁 I wondered if my partner was still attracted to me and it also made me self-conscious about whether I was being too demanding. 

@mak_trouble891 I agree that lots of sex or lack of sex is ok as long as both parties are on the same page. It does get more complicated when you and your partner have mismatched libidos though. For me, it was actually a big issue in my relationship at first. My partner was often upset because I wasn’t keen on sex and when we had a proper discussion about it, he explained that for him, sex is an emotional connection, not just a physical one. So for him, the more I was disinterested in sex, the more he felt a lack of connection. And he also raised his worries that I was no longer attracted to him. I explained to him that I show that I’m attracted to him in different ways and I told him how I do. And we talked about ways we could connect more emotionally without necessarily having sex. It’s been pretty smooth sailing since – communication is key!!

[mak_trouble891]

@veryelle that awesome that you guys were able to talk about it. Sex is different for everyone and can mean something slightly different as well. We also all get insecure. I’m so pleased that you guys were able to come up with ways to connect with and without sex. Round of applause for communication!!!!

[HoneyPot]

@veryelle that’s so cool to hear! And PREACH COMMUNICATION @mak_trouble891 !!! hahahah
If you’re comfortable, could you share some of the ways you spoke about connecting more without sex?

[mak_trouble891]

@HoneyPot so I guess timing has a big part to play in the success of this type of conversation and honesty. For some reason all our conversations around this topic tend to happen in the car lol Rather than just say hey this is not working and I don’t like this, try and use the ‘sandwich ‘ technique, so start with something you like that your partner does or something positive, then what you want to change and finish with a positive so it stays a positive conversation.  

[HoneyPot]

The “sandwich” technique sounds so great! Defs giving that a try o:)

[mak_trouble891]

Awesome @HoneyPot let us know how you go 🙂

[EarthMama]

Ooh I’ve got another one similar to that. It’s called Rose, Thorn, Bud. So you begin with something you love, then something you don’t like, and you finish with something you’re hopeful for. 🙂

[HoneyPot]

Oh! Yes I like that too @EarthMama ! So far these conversations have all just been very positive-seeming but nothing ever changes. I think I need to talk about that fact and really come up with strategies for changing things.

[Author]

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