When it comes to asking your sexual partner to put on a condom I feel like it can be quite awkward, personally I feel like I might kill the mood by having to stop and put one on but once it’s on we just pick back up where we started and I think ‘why did I stress about asking?!’… How do you go about asking? Is there certain things you do or say to make the process more comfortable?
I don’t think I ask partners to wear them per se – I guess I don’t really leave the room to say no?
When I can, I bring condoms with me, and basically say “I’ve got them if you don’t.”
I don’t think I’d like to ‘ask’ to be honest, because (in situations when I’m prepared) it wouldn’t be a question, more of an ultimatum – please wear one otherwise I’m not going to have sex with you.
I think that’s a good thing to say @aunt_flo, the: “I’ve got them if you don’t” takes away from the awkwardness of the situation and also firmly asserts that you’re ready for some fun SAFE sex!
“please wear one otherwise I’m not going to have sex with you.”
100000%!! Safe sex or no sex! Anyway, I don’t have this problem since I’m sexually active with a female-identifying person at the moment and if we need any condoms on toys I just ask? I guess that’s less intimidating though since it’s not a fleshy penis.
Hi @GoldenRose! I totally get feeling a little awkward asking but it’s just so important to practice safe sex so the potential awkwardness just isn’t an issue for me. I tend to just wait until they’ve put a condom on and like you said, the mood is rarely lost. And yes to carrying around condoms! I’ve noticed more and more that men can be lazy with purchasing them (or hoping I wont want to use them) so sometimes yo do have to take matters into your own hands.
I am fairly relaxed about asking someone to wear a condom for penetrative sex. But what about oral ?? Do you ask? Do you just shut your eyes and pretend that STI’s don’t exist?? :/
@earthmama “Do you just shut your eyes and pretend that STI’s don’t exist?? :/” ommmgggg good point though!! I never really think about this too much? Same with using dental dams – it never really comes up for me? Such a big concern though…
@tea :/ :/ it’s such a scary thing! Especially when you are not particularly comfortable with the person. Isn’t the hierarchy of comfort levels interesting? We’re fine to get naked and physically intimate with someone, but the idea of being slightly vulnerable and asking them if they’ve been tested, let alone to use protection…terrifying!!!
If anyone has any good tips on how to comfortably ask/insist- I am all ears!!
@earthmama totally terrifying! Maybe I guess you could bring it up in conversation prior to actually having an intimate moment?
Omg this is such a struggle. In my past experience with one night stands as a gay man, you just have to be really insistent with them and tell them that you won’t have sex without a condom. I think also for a lot of guys sometimes normal condoms can be too tight or constricting, so bringing things like extra large condoms or durex thin condoms can make it a lot more enjoyable. I’ve definitely not been able to sleep with people because of this, but its better than getting an STI!
But I think that many peoples experiences will be different.
@earthmama. ‘But what about oral ?? Do you ask? Do you just shut your eyes and pretend that STI’s don’t exist?? :/’ good point!! I’m always insistent that we use a condom when having penetrative sex but never even think about oral, which is so silly as herpes can easily be transferred during oral.
I personally don’t think asking to put one on needs to be a big deal. I usually just go with a simple ‘Hey, do you have a condom?” and if they say no I carry one in my purse just incase. Better to be safe than sorry!